Peanut Butter Jelly Time

I don't usually talk about food on my blog. I just find it to be too triggering.

Some of you do.. no problem, I can skim over it. I have no fucking clue as to what you eat, especially when I am fasting.

So be warned...
I am about to talk about why I want to kill Mr Peanut.

Last night I was craving a pb&j sandwich. 2 to be exact. They were monsters. I mean HUGE. I loaded those suckers up with an inch of peanut butter and some raspberry jam.

I became sick half way through the second one. So decided, in my infinite wisdom, it was probably a good time to go to bed. Oh, and did I mention, I had no water to wash those gooey suckers down?

I had a dream I was vomiting. How odd, right? A hot sexy boy was soothing my face with a cool damp cloth. It didn't help. Urp.
I woke up with vomit in my mouth. Gulp.
And a lump of mashed up peanut butter and bread in my throat. I tried swallowing to push that sucker back down. It was choking me. Bleh.

When I sat up, I realized I was all clammy and dizzy.
This turned into a long night of fighting off the vomits. I was afraid to let that fucker come all the way up.

This morning I am still nauseous. My mouth keeps watering like I need to puke. But for some stupid reason I am terrified of that ball of peanut butter inside me. I imagine it is absorbing all the liquids I drink and growing into a massive pile of sticky dough.

Ugh and I am fasting today too... with a peanut butter blob still sitting in an undigested lump in the bottom of my stomach.

Suffice to say, I am NEVER eating pb&j again. EVER again. Yet another food item I have completely ruined for life.

Ack, these rotten tasting peanut butter burps are giving me a headache.

xoxo zen

Fizzy bite... My ass!

The last couple days I have eaten 3 - 4 very fatty meals. That is a lot compared to my one meal per day plan. Am feeling an uncomfortable load in my gut. My fingers and face were puffy this morning. I literally expected to look emaciated after losing half my body weight in diarrhea.

Yesterday was the worst. We had been doing some vigorous shopping and I actually ordered a COKE. I really really really miss the fizzy bite that it has. And although Topamax makes everything taste weird, it focuses the bulk of its anti-food power on soda. But still, I thought, just maybe, maaaaybe it would taste good just one more time. Pretty please?!

Nope... dirt.

Someone rinsed their ass, added some dirt, then poured it into my cup. 

In order to salvage the remnants of my sanity.... *snort* who the fuck am I trying to fool? I am not going to weigh myself until Saturday. That gives me a few days to get back on track. 

The last time I weighed in, I was one pound away from my next goal. ONE pound. Sometimes I wonder if it is self sabotage. So close. Oh shit, tomorrow is girls night out. That means alcohol. Moan. I like alcohol. Maybe I'll enjoy it even more on an empty stomach? >evil smile<.

Some-fricken-how, the last time I had a cheat meal, I still lost 3lbs! This has been two days worth of cheat meals, so I am certainly not expecting that sort of miracle. I'm really just hoping not to see any depressing weight gain. I guess even that would still be considered a miracle, eh?

Much luvs to you girlies.

xoxo zen

Dog poop and chocolate asses

Why do all my neighbors have better cars than me? We all live in the same complex. And why do none of these "classy" people clean up after their dogs? They just stand there acting all nonchalant while their pooch makes a horizontal letter C.

Wouldn't you notice if your long wiener dog suddenly had a huge hump back? Uh, lady I think he's POOPING. Nope, she just looks off into oblivion. Then neighbor kids tromp it up the stairs and I have to dance around it as I carry groceries up to my apartment.

On a Happy(ish) note, I did start my period today so that might explain the constipation yesterday... and the *cough*  6 chocolate-filled croissants last night... and *cough* one pound weight gain this morning *cough*cough*

...weird tickle in my throat.

So ladies, learn from my mistake. Chocolate goes straight to your ass.

Ok, bad example. Sorry.

xoxo zen

Ana said punch you out...

(Keep your damn cookies granny)

I'm bored. And I really need to poop. Constipation makes me grumpy. 
 xoxo zen

Coke addict

Food left over in my fridge after last nights soirée. More specifically, coke. Fricken coke. Sure all the beer and wine is gone. But coke?! Why me?!

Gawd, I thought, "well maybe just one... looks at the back of the can... 140 calories"!!! Shiiit.

So today's meal plan is as follows:

B - coke

L - coke

D - coke

Total cals = 420

HEY under 500!!

Good job! *zen delusionally pats herself on back*.

xoxo zen

Meal in a box?

This box is barely bigger than a matchstick book and includes 8 complete meals (aka gum).

Now THIS is my kind of "meal in a box".