Dick Speak

My stomach shriveled up after the 3 day baby food cleanse. I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat for the next week. Despite the fact that I went out for drinks on girls night, I am still calling this a fast. 

I lost a total of 10lbs, gained back 2lbs post fast (it's really just pre-poo) Total loss = 8lbs Woot!!

Unfortunately I only seem to be capable of talking about ONE thing when drinking on an empty stomach. Can you guess what it is??

PENIS
It doesn't seem to have anything to do with simply being drunk though. I can become completely wasted and still have a great cock-free conversation, as long as I have food in my tummy.

As I told you in another post, I spent one fun evening eating and getting drunk with a homeless man. And I can assure you, I did not bring up the subject of his penis even once.

But give me a couple beers on a fasting tummy and all that comes out of my mouth is dick speak.

So a couple drinks (during this fast) led to the usual flirting, then asking a boy about his penis size, challenging him to prove it by whipping it out RIGHT there, and eventually mocking him for being too much of a pussy to do it.

Needless to say, I did not get laid that night. Hmmm. Perhaps I should reevaluate my approach?

Ah, well... despite my wicked ways, the scale goddess saw fit to FINALLY bless me with 120 pounds. Next goal is 110 baby!

Oh, and my ultimate goal is to finally have sex again before it just doesn't fucking matter anymore how thin I am.

Hey! It's the Penis Song!

xoxo, zen

Slummin

Been pretty bummed since the ridiculous demise of Lost. A toddler could have conceived a better ending plot.

Six years, SIX fucking years I watched that show. And BLAM... the fuck-tards kill them all off. Leave my la la land intact why don't you?! Now every time I try to fantasize about one of those sexy (dead) island dudes, I get depressed.

If Alice were here she'd agree, but she's not, so I'll speak for her. The Lost series finale sucked ASS! And she'd also say that Damon Salvatore and I would make beautiful babies together.
Right Alice? Bow chicka bow wow.

Girls night out was a blast as usual. Drinking, flirting... my best friend made out with a hot blue-eyed boy.

And I made friends with a bum. His name was Larry.

Another homeless man, was trying to chase Larry away on his bicycle. That dude was trying like hell to run Larry over. I guess there was some kind of hobo turf war going on.

So I invited him to sit with us at our patio table. We enjoyed a few drinks and some grub. Larry was a bit odd, naturally, but very nice. And he didn't smell that bad at all. Why the fuck do I mention things like that? It's like saying I was sitting there sniffing him.

My mother always did call me a bum magnet. She'd be so proud.

Ahhh this commercial always gave me chills...

xoxo zen