A little tipsy

Well here I am, drowning in Pinterest online whilst listening to Awolnation's "Megalithic Symphony" on Spotify (btw... the song "Sail" is by far my fave)...

And all the sudden I hear a burst of fireworks outside. They've been going off sporadically all night, but this was bigger... more robust. 

It occurred to me a few minutes later to check the time. 12:07.
Hmmm I missed the New Year. Bah.

I am sitting here alone, the lil one is asleep, my teen sis is out partying on the beach and my preggo roommate is locked in her room, being grumpy (boyfriend/hormone issues).

All these years I have had my dog... a chihuahua, to give me a furry little New Years Kiss. 

He's gone. 

I do however have a fat, snoring pug lying next to me.
You would have to kill me first.

Hope this year brings much joy, happiness and love to us all.
And Fuck it, let's be skinny too!

Happy Happy Happy New Year Loves!

xoxo zen

April Fools Day Dudes!

Smooches,

zen

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.

I am having EPIC brain-farts lately. Perhaps this prolonged fast is starting to kill off my brain cells, causing them to release noxious gas.

At the holiday family gathering the women were talking about a cousins recent "natural delivery" in which a birthing tub was set up in her living room. (no electricity)

Hours after the birth, a hose was hooked up to the (bloody) tub and drained into the toilette. (gag) So I asked who got to put the hose in their mouth and siphon that shit out? Silence. I heard crickets. Why the fuck did I say that?

I usually think before I speak... but the brain flatulence is pushing words out before I have time to process them. Fuuuuck. Instead of talking to people, I might as well just walk over and pee on them. It would be far less embarrassing.























People are speaking way too fast also. They need to dumb-it-down a bit. You know? The way you would talk to a   s.. l.. o.. w..  person. 

My baby sister and I were at a shop today and I called out to her to come over to me. She yelled back, "that is not my name" and kept wandering around.  "Whoever you are, get your ass back over here" I shouted. A lady in the shoppe was eyeballing me so I tilted my head and smiled.

Yeah lady,  just keep on walking. Else you might catch my stupid.

xoxo zen

Happy St Patrick's Day!

I never really liked St Patty's Day. I was always pinched in grade school for not wearing green. I would lie and say my underwear was green but nobody fucking believed me. People look so stupid wearing mismatched green clothes and ugly green socks.

Then there is the Leprechaun. Little children are taught to set traps to "catch" those buggers. Which are supposed to lead them to a pot of gold. Uh, yeah. Creepy. If I see a little green thing running around my house, I'm grabbing a rolled up newspaper and making a little green splat.

In spit of my lack of enthusiasm for St Pattys day, they decided to hold girls night at my place. So I decided to make green jello-shots for the party, bust out the green boas, glittery green top hats, and let the fun commence. I also plan on taking a billion of pictures of our green-drunken-asses. This may be the best St Pattys Day ever!

xoxo zen

Happy Valentines Day!

 

xoxo zen