Bingey Bingey

//Begin Pity Party//

Notice how much I post when I have good stuff to report?

I've been away.

Have been eating crapola. Whatever junk food the girls brought/bring into the apt. Is all gone now.

"Where is the last éclair?" Sister asks stupid question. 

No answer.

"Where is the last chocolate éclair?!" She's blond btw.

No answer.

"Why wont you answer me?!!"

"SHHHH! I'm watching this!" I point to tv.. then brush finger across lips to wipe away any evidence.

"I just want to know where the éclair is!"  

It started off slowly... then slid into binge mode(ish). I'd eat a bit, let it digest, then eat again... NON-STOP. What made it even more pathetic, is food still tastes bland. There was no oral satisfaction, just a mental one.

The only reasons I can think that I was slipping, or trying to slip, back into this habit are...

1. No sex life (vibrator doesn't count).

2. Lost 20lbs but NOBODY noticed. 

3. Holiday... ? I know. I am grasping here.

4. Uhhhhh.

Ok, so there you have it. Heartbreaking, eh?
I KNOW... you "understand how I feel",  "are sorry it is so rough for me right now", "really hope it gets better"... sigh... I hope I get laid soon too.

I hid in my fatcave, afraid to weigh myself for about a week. Finally decided to assess the damage yesterday.

I had this picture all ready for this post, as an example of myself in all my puffy, bloated, freakish glory.

I GAINED 2 FUCKING POUNDS!

Are you shitting me Topa? Are ya laughing behind my back? I was so depressed thinking my clothing was becoming tighter and my body a bit more jiggly. Absolutely sure I had rebounded atleast 10lbs, nearly half my initial loss.

Lo and behold only 2 weensie lbs. Harhar. Joke's on me. 

Today I fast. Those 2lbs go bye-bye.

//End Pity Party//

xoxo zen

Sunshine Award Thingy!

I'm sending BIG WET kisses to... minaralou,  alisson,  sunshine, and an extra kinky one to you P.D. for this neat Sunshine Award.

I was very excited until I thought about who to pass it along to. Undoubtedly someone is gonna feel hurt, or left out. Shit.

So, uh yeah, thanks a-fucken-lot ladies.

Some of you peeps have already won this award, so don't be greedy. I am not giving it to you.

Hmmm... here goes.

The rules of this blog award are:

1. Post this logo within your blog or post

2. Pass the award onto 5 fellow bloggers

3. Link to the nominees within your post

4. Let the nominees know they have received an award by commenting on their blog

5. Share the love and link the person whom you received this blog award

Miss Burton - There is NEVER a dull moment with this gal.  I am quite a sucker for her sarcasm and dirty talk too.

Sarah - That girl is full of energy. It is absolutely contagious. She is SO adorable.  I could just eat her up... SERIOUSLY... I wouldn't even gain an ounce!

Lucille LeSeur - She is classy, smart, witty, and clever. I feel at home when I read her blog, as if I am listening to her thoughts. She has that familiar aura about her.

Sottile - Is a very busy vet student... social life, events, travel, studies, etc... I live vicariously through her exciting and dramatic life.

flabby-j - Her posts are very relatable. We think a lot alike. I love her sense of humor too. Her roommates however need to have their baked goods shoved up their fat asses.

I read everyone of the blogs to the lower right of my page. Check them out. They are all lovely.

Much luv,

xoxo zen

P.S. Meg - I saw someone else already gave this award to you. Check your comments, then get off your tiny ass and do the post. xoxo

P.P.S. Everyone should check out Calla's blog too. She's supa cool. I really love people who use the word "fuck". It adds a nice dramatic flair. She's definitely got alot of flair.

Lala Land

My girlie P.D. was talking about her first love. It was (and still is) intense. I have yet to experience that particular type of insanity.

The only long-term relationship I ever had lasted about a year. I liked him for the first couple months, then HATED  him the remaining 10 months. After that I rarely dated anymore, mostly just used guys for sex (they didn't mind).

I have special standards.

Anybody watch Lost? I am addicted to Lost, can't believe this is the last season.

My latest fantasy is Martin Keamy (the mercenary from Lost)... he likes to play rough *wink wink*. OK he is actually a TV character, but we have a great life together in lala land. Maybe that's why I've never been in love, all the boys I truly want are imaginary.

Sadly real men just don't cut it. A guy may have that sexy rouge-esq-ness about him, but then as he confidently walks over to flirt, I look down in horror at his ...  flip flops, mercenaries don't wear flip flops!

Much luvs,

xoxo zen

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.

I am having EPIC brain-farts lately. Perhaps this prolonged fast is starting to kill off my brain cells, causing them to release noxious gas.

At the holiday family gathering the women were talking about a cousins recent "natural delivery" in which a birthing tub was set up in her living room. (no electricity)

Hours after the birth, a hose was hooked up to the (bloody) tub and drained into the toilette. (gag) So I asked who got to put the hose in their mouth and siphon that shit out? Silence. I heard crickets. Why the fuck did I say that?

I usually think before I speak... but the brain flatulence is pushing words out before I have time to process them. Fuuuuck. Instead of talking to people, I might as well just walk over and pee on them. It would be far less embarrassing.























People are speaking way too fast also. They need to dumb-it-down a bit. You know? The way you would talk to a   s.. l.. o.. w..  person. 

My baby sister and I were at a shop today and I called out to her to come over to me. She yelled back, "that is not my name" and kept wandering around.  "Whoever you are, get your ass back over here" I shouted. A lady in the shoppe was eyeballing me so I tilted my head and smiled.

Yeah lady,  just keep on walking. Else you might catch my stupid.

xoxo zen

I was bad, and I liked it

I ate more than usual yesterday. Something snapped. Well more like succumbed, happily obliged, submitted? Eh, that just sounds slutty. I didn't feverishly stuff my face, I simply ate and got sum pleasure out of it, rawr. wink wink.

So I had a croissant in the morning. And a tofurky sandwich for brunch. Then was craving pancakes for dinner, but we were all out of syrup, whew, disaster averted.

Couldn't drink the "ass" beer though. Fuck! Maybe someday they will come out with an "ass-lite".

Felt a slight twinge of guilt cause I am still a fat as hell. Since I haven't really eaten in over a month, I figured I'd avoid the scale today. Forgive(ish) and forget(ish). But I still feel guilty, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here at my internet confessional.

Oh, and had my first real poo in a month too. So I guess this binge went straight through me. That's good, right? For some reason? Gotta be something good about that? Somehow? Whatever.

xoxo,

zen

EDIT...
I decided to hop on the scale.
Did not gain an ounce.
Fucking awesome.
Oh topa, you havn't failed me yet, smooches.