Poor piggy

What the hell is wrong with me... 
I can't fucking stop laughing!

Dancing With The Stars

Anybody watch that show? Eh, I don't. But I found some excellent Before and After thinspo of these girlies:

Edyta Sliwinska

Before

After

 

This chic literally dances in heels to help her stay slim! I would fucking DIE for her legs.

Denis Richards

Before

 

After

After six weeks of training... buh-bye cottage cheese thighs.

Cheryl Burke

Before

 

After

She say's she couldn't help but lose weight from rehearsing eight hours, five days a week. Well, duh.

 Karina Smirnoff

Before

After

 

This girl takes a tablespoon of olive oil on an empty stomach to help aid digestion... hey, whatever works babe.

Now for my FAVORITE...

Holly Madison

Before

 

After

Get this... she say's, instead of alcoholic beverages, she now fills up on water. LOL. Dumb Bunny.

Honestly, I do not think any of these girls have "perfect" bodies. But it still makes me wanna turn up the tunes and dance around my house... nekkid. Yeah, I love to dance naked. You got a problem with that?! Gettin boogie witcha baby.

xoxo zen

Who you calling obese?

Today, I went to lunch with some people after class. I stuck to ice water since I only eat dinner. I was actually feeling very proud of my resolve. I wasn't caving in while everyone around me was stuffing their faces. When someone asked why I wasn't eating, I casually mentioned that I was on a diet this week.

One of the girls snapped at me, stating that there was no way I need to lose weight.  
She was very large...oops.
She went on to say that she hated girls who complained about being fat when they had no idea what it was like to be overweight. Eh?

She tried to further make her point by saying that I'd have to be like100lbs overweight to be obese.

Did I say I was obese?! I should have just dropped the subject, but chubba-bubba was getting on my nerves. So I informed her that technically, you’re considered obese if you’re 30 pounds over your ideal weight. 

I’ve never seen a person’s face fall so quickly. ack.  It was like I told her she was dying. My bad. I don't think I'll be invited to lunch with that group again.

BTW.. I ended up binging tonight. She wins.

xoxo zen

Tempting Fate

Have you ever have a good day and but put off blogging because you are afraid you'll jinx it?

It's like, "hey I won the lottery"... only to find out it was a gag scratch off. 

I bought one for my mom once. She thought she had won a bazillion dollars. She started screaming, then crying. When she saw my horrified face, she offered to split it with me... oh gawd!

On the back, the fine print tells the "winner" how to collect their winnings (in a very insulting manner).

Well, here it is... I have been binge free for 2 days now. Probably not to amazing to most of you, but I have been so out of control with my eating the last couple months. This is very exciting, a sign that I am ready to get back on track. Finally taking steps in the right direction.

Yesterday I had my usual morning coffee. Drank lots of water, and then by dinner time I realized I had not eaten all day. I actually had to sit there and think very hard about it, trying to recall. It was weird (I am weird). Same thing happened today. Only coffee and water. Have lost about 3lbs of water weight. I know that because of all the fricken peeing.

Oddly, I do have indigestion tho. WTF. An empty stomach is usually blissful. But I just keep burping. Very classy, I know. My fingers and toes are frozen. I have to bundle up to keep warm. No one else is cold. I'ts just me, and I LOVE it.

But even as I make this post, a tiny voice is screaming "noooo, don't do this, as soon as you say it out loud"... or in this case write it down... "you will jinx it". I'm afraid I will go to the damn fridge and PIG out like I do every night.

Visualization. That's what I will do! I will visualize my tight-foxy self getting laid. Yep, you heard me. Sex is the best motivator for me. I'm such a slut. 

bow-chicka-bow-wow....

 

 xoxo zen

You nosy people

Ok, in response the they myriad of emails I have been recieving.  Most of the questions were the same (do I smell a conspiracy?)

Many have stated that, other than the random thoughts I toss out there, I do not delve into who I am personally.

So... here goes. *deep breath*

1. Yes, you are correct, I am anywhere between 80 and 800 pounds. Good guess!

2. No, I do not live with my parents. I did live alone until recently, when my sister moved in with me. She was getting into trouble, and since I was the "bad seed" as a teen, they figured I'd know what to do with her.

3. Yes, I do have an ED. At least by my definition. I have never been diagnosed. I bounce between starving and binging. Lately the latter. I used to purge as a teen. Now, I only do it intentionally when I am drunk and don't wanna be hungover in the morning.

4. Yes, I am straight. No, I do not have a boyfriend. No, I am not a man-hater, I just think men are stupid.

5. Yes, I am demented. Luckily they make meds for that. Uh, anxiety mostly... love my "chill pills".

Ummmm, that is all I can think of right now. Thanks for taking an interest in me. I know I am vague when it comes to my weight. But I am terrified of my scale. It has not been friendly to me lately. I plan on going binge-free for atleast a month before I step on it again. And I promise to divulge my stats to you then.

I love all the comments I get. You guys are awesome! This has become such a safe haven for me. I have spent my entire life feeling so ashamed of my extreme lack of control and obsession over food, it is a relief to have a place where I do not have to hide it. That is probably why I am so playful. I don't have take myself so seriously.

Many xoxo's zen

Dang, I tried very hard to be serious, but I still cannot fight my compulshion to put a silly picture on here... so deal with it!

 

heheheh, what the hell makes some of you think I'm a man-hater?