the REAL update

Miss Burton, out of my love for you, I will disclose my naughty doings.

I was arrested for...... shoplifting. 

At a fucking grocery store.

Yup.

Honestly, money is tight as hell. We've moved to the states. EVERYTHING was overwhelming. But we are finally starting to get settled in. 

Had an 80 degree Christmas though... that kind of killed the holiday spirit for us.

Oh, and I am only in my 20's. So getting grey hair is probably a side effect of living a life of crime.

LURVE you guys.

xoxo zen

Thinspo

Updated the Zen Thinspo blog this week with some bootylicious finds. 

Come check it out my lovelies.

xoxo zen

woof

 

xoxo zen

Oh F*ck Me - PREMATURE AGING!

I am getting grey hair.... NO correction, they are white! I pluck them daily, but that just seems to piss them off and they grow back faster. Plus they are multiplying at an incredible rate.

I know people joke about raising kids giving you grey hair. 

But SERIOUSLY?!

I'm raising my sister and baby, so they are TWICE as irritating as normal children.

What is next? Menopause?! Been having horrible cramps this month... that's probably how it starts.

Fuck it - I don't care if my uterus falls out. I just wanna look young again!

Wrinkles, I've noticed wrinkles too! Oh. My. God. If my teen sister has a kid, I will look like it's grandma! That slut better be using condoms!

Love you ladies... stay youthful, kay?

xoxo,

zen

Big Fat Update?

Nope, just the short version... I've moved into a new place, been arrested, had sex a couple times (not in jail), quit my job, gained like 20 pounds and finally started exercising again, phew!

It's all good.

I will definitely have to elaborate later on. 

For now, here's a picture of a fat squirrel... 

LOVE YOU MUCH GUYS!!

xoxoxoxo,

zen

Am back... for real... have so much to tell you. It's already dawn and I haven't slept yet, will give you lovelies an update after my nap ♥

Miss you much,
zen

April Fools Day Dudes!

Smooches,

zen

Fire Starter

I love the yummy smell of wood burning in the morning. 

As I walked baby to school, we discovered a small fire in the foliage by a tree. Someone probably dropped a cig while driving by. 

I told her to stay there while I went and kicked some dirt over it. No prob...  or so I thought.

She was terrified. Why did you do that?! It could have exploded!

I tried to explain that it was just embers. Not a fire. That I just smothered it. "Smother?"  Like stamped it out. "What?" Stomped on it, killed it, dead, no more fire.

 "Was it yellow?"

We continued walking. In the back ground I heard sirens, I smiled at the irony.

Was not funny when they came closer and started circling the area. OMG they are looking for a fucking brush fire. 

"See? You shouldn't have done that with the fire. You could have gotten hurt. It was bad to ...blah blah blah..."

Eyebrows were raising.

She made it sound like I fricken started the fire. I kept trying to explain that everything was ok. But she wouldn't shut the fuck up. So I snapped "WILL YOU STOP IT?!"

Right in front of sexy tattoo'd FILF. Yup.

I smiled like a cheshire cat. Not only am I a pyromaniac, but I am bad mommy potential as well.

Shit.

On the bright side, it could have been worse... atleast I didn't smack her upside the head.

xoxo,
zen

P!nk - F*ckin' Perfect

I am so in love with this woman and her music.
This video blew me away. Bullseye!

((hugs))

zen

Motivational Quote Of The Fricken Day

While walking home from a café with baby yesterday, we ran into a friend of hers. As the tots hugged and chatted I scoped out dad. He was HOT.  I could feel my boobs flush when he smiled at me.

As we continued our walk home, baby told me her friend only stays part-time with dad. Mmmm single. I mentioned that he was cute, just in case she wanted to toss that info out there next time she talked to her little friend.

She told me that her friend's mom was real skinny... like I used to be. hmph. Ok, so maybe I have gained a bit of weight, but I am exercising.

"Well, I am getting skinnier and skinnier every day" I said.

She glanced at me then replied "And fatter and fatter every night".

Ha ha. What?!

Oooh, game on shithead. I'll show you results.

xoxo,

zen

Love is in the air... and it smells funky

Baby, age 5, has now had her first kiss. Says he tastes like bacon. So she and bacon-lips are getting married when she grows up. She sees no reason to search any further, he is the ONE.

Teen sister has found a guy that can tame her wild ways. She is not out flirting, teasing and ripping boys little hearts out these days. This is the lucky one who made her finally decide to get on birth control (hint hint). Gross.

Best friend has a new guy in her life, thus marathon sex and NO time for a social life. When she is in a new relationship it is like she disappears off the face of the earth. I would have to go over there and pull that penis out of her to get some quality girl time.

Being in love is so retarded.

Am I am the only one who see's the insanity in it all? They'll come to their senses eventually. And when they do, I'll be sitting right here. Waiting for them. Alone.

 

By the way... I MISSED YOU GUYS!
If I post a tard comment on your blog, it's just because I have no idea what you're talking about. I've still got so much gossip to catch up on.

Many xoxo's,

zen