Sunday, May 30, 2010

Fatty McRubberband Pants


I did a bit of research about the Rubber Band Technique because I was wondering why the hell some use it to help with eating/binge disorders. I really liked this...

Are you in the habit of putting yourself down? ... This behavior has to stop or you will just manifest more experiences that prove you are right. Negative self-talk is a self-fulfilling prophesy.


When I tell myself I am fricken awesome and deserve to look and feel my best, I will bust-ass to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I AM awesome as shit. 
But I often get bummed cause the scale is such a bitch.

So, I am going to utilize the positive self talk/no pigging out with the snap-the-shit-out-of-my-wrist band technique.  

To be more on the "down-low" I'm going to use those colorful silly bands my sisters wear. I like the ones that glow in the dark. Coolio. They may break more easily than actual rubber bands but luckily they come 10 in a pack.

Anyone remember how Selma Blair used to absentmindedly pluck her little rubber band in the movie Hell Boy? That little fire-starter made it look so damn sexy.

Love ya girlies!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

They aren't even old enough to lick butts yet.

Today baby had a few of her little friends over to play.

I was walking by and stopped outside her door to listen for a bit cause they were giggling so fricken adorably.

Apparently she made up a game called "potty-time".
When asked what time it is, you have to answer with dirty words.

Here are a few of the creative answers I heard...
it's poop o'clock
it's pee o'clock
it's weenerstomper o'clock (wow, not sure what time that is)
it's lickerbutt o'clock (liquor butt... or... lick her butt?)
it's buttmonkey o'clock (ha)
it's pootylickbuttassboogerfuckshiteater o'clock (ok game over kiddies)
Can ya guess which ones I heard come from the mouth of  innocent little baby? 
Hint... every one she made up had the word "lick" in it.

I don't know where the fuck she gets this shit from.

Cute game though.

For those concerned about my "parenting" skills, I do punish her whenever she calls me a fat ass. 


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Cheer Boys, and Fat Dogs

My sister has been dating a jealous controlling verbally abusive shit-brained football player. I kept finding reasons to ground her so she couldn't be alone with him. I warned him that if he hurt my sister, I could make his death look like an accident. 

Last week she finally dumped him for a HOT guy on her varsity cheerleading team.  Her ex isn't even jealous because he assumes this new dude is a "fag". Whatever makes you feel better, fucking idiot.

Cheer boy is coming over to watch a "Bring It On" movie marathon with her Friday night (yeah, those movies are a bit gay). He asked her if I would get pissed if he kissed her. She told him I was like ceiling cat... even if they didn't see me in the room, as soon as he touched her, I would drop down like a ninja.
Ha. Good girl.

Our dog is lovingly referred to as Assface now. Although she no longer chews her butt, the tarnished image remains. Sorry babe, it's like a Highschool rep... you will NEVER live it down.

Dog's and their owners really do reflect each other though. No, I cannot chew my own ass. Although it would be interesting to be that flexible... anyways... I always admire those people with fluffy little dogs that probably lose 3/4 of their mass when wet.

Ours is short, stocky, and meaty. I feel fat when walking her. I want to hurry up and get indoors before anyone see's us. Poor Assface. My ana mindset extends to the dog now.


Sunday, May 16, 2010

It's My Birthday

And I'm am about to get properly drunk!

The present I'm hoping for is a well-hung boy. Fingers crossed, OK?

Much luv,

Saturday, May 15, 2010


Awww I took so long, I am sorry. Mmmm. This thing is so pretty. 
Much thanks to my buds Lucille Sottile Kristal Alice Elle Madz Hollow Adeline Katie Bree and zette.
I knew you guys fucking loved me! Kinky bitches.

Here goes confession time...
1. I was partying one night with a girl I met in college. She was very beautiful, all the guys wanted her. As we got in the elevator going to a sky-rise rooftop party, she leaned over and kissed me. It was surprising, and lovely.

2. Everyone in my family is blond, blue eyed and fair skinned. I have dark brown hair, brown eyes and tan skin. When I was young I always imagined  I was kidnapped and my birth parents refused to pay the ransom.
I searched for my half-brother most of my life. I recently found him. He looks just like me. A hottie.

3.  I will try anything atleast once. I see and do some amazing things. And am constantly adding more to the list. Of course I take my sisters along for the ride. I would have loved to have had the opportunity to travel the world when I was their age.

4. My mom listened in on a phone conversation I was having once.She discovered that I smoked pot with a friend. She sent me away to boarding school to straighten me out. They had lots of drugs there.

5. I am a vegetarian. My sister converted me. We put stickers up at McDonalds drive-thru exits everywhere we travel.

6. I shoplifted once.

7. I can control my dreams. It's called lucid dreaming. I prefer to be asleep rather than awake. I get laid much more often.

Now for the awardee's. You ladies already know why I love you...

Much luv,
xoxo zen

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Found My Balls

I've been such a mess girls. It is not at all in my nature to fall apart like this. I am the kind of girl who got mugged, then joked about it later with the cops. 

As most of you know I am the guardian of my sisters. Last week, the loser-father of my baby sister decided to have a visit.  She see's him about once a month. She doesn't like him much though. Uh, probably cause of the seething-bloody-crusty-oozing-noxious-fumes he exudes. Yum.

When he brought her back. He simply say's "I'm gonna keep her for awhile". What? As I reached for her door handle, he got back in and locked the car doors. She began frantically trying to get out and started crying. 

I knocked on the window and told him to open the fucking door. Did I mention his girlfriend was in the passenger seat... NOT looking at me. Hmm. Perhaps it was because she knew I wanted to do this...

I yelled for him to get the fuck out and talk to me. What the hell?! The tot was hysterical by now. OMG! I was not about to let them leave, so I blocked the fucking car and began yelling for someone to call the police.

He got out and was speaking calmly. Oh I hate people who do that. Who fight with you calmly. Mock you calmly. Say venomous things calmly. He said she was perfectly fine. And that I was making things worse by overreacting. OVER reacting would have been picking up a brick, breaking the damn window... or his head for that matter.

His girlfriend was still in there, staring straight ahead. I slammed my hand against the window and said a word I have never said before. A word I loathe. It came out fluidly. "Open the door you CUNT!"

Finally, after an hour and 45 minutes the police had shown up. I don't know what to expect from him next, but I am not going to let that fucktard bully us again.

I am ashamed of myself for being such pussy this past week. But I am done with my pity-party. I am going to finally take a fucking shower, contact an attorney, and kick that mother fucker in his Angry Inch. Lucille LeSeur, dig the movie ref? 

Takes a pretty small pecker to kidnap a 5 year old. A real man would try working out custody issues in an entirely different manner.


Thank you lovely PD for letting my cry on your cyber shoulder last night (in your time zone). I love you soooooo much!!! Yes, in the kinkiest manner possible. Unfortunately I live far far away and cannot run over there and hug the hell outta you.

Monday, May 10, 2010

M.I.A. for a bit

Some shitty things have happened recently and I am feeling overwhelmed. I haven't posted for a bit because I'm working on getting things/emotions back under control right now. I'll give you the scoop about the fucktard responsible once the dust has settled. In the meantime I'm still maintaining my thinspo page. Looking at pretty tits can be such a nice distraction.

Love love love you guys.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Vampire Diaries

This show, despite its TV-PG content cheesiness, has gotten me pretty hooked.

These boys want her so badly. I just wish they could actually get it on. Strattle them both already girl!

Btw... If this were lala land, Damon is mine. And he's nekkid.

Not even the best vibrator can accomplish what those boys are doing right now in my imagination. 
Fuck I need to get laid.


Monday, May 03, 2010

Got Fleas

Rosie Hat is disgusting. 
She has fleas. Apparently she is just too retarded to handle it.
I have sprayed the floors, bathed the dog, put that gel stuff on her back...
REtreated the apartment, REbathed the dog, put more of that gel on her back (about 4 times now). 
Yet she still chews her ass. Constantly. Feverishly. NONstop. 

She is a pug and unfortunately she has the issue of snorting snoring spitting spraying and slobbering. When she chews on her ass, it sounds wet and sloppy like she is eating a big piece of raw meat.
I want to kick her. 

She sits at my feet to chew her ass. She sits on the couch to chew her ass. She sits on my pillow to chew her ass. I have to turn on the radio to sleep because her ass-chewing is so loud. 

I no longer look at her cute ears bouncing along as she trots around the house. I look at her butt hole. Yes. I only see a walking ass... the nasty ass that she chews on 24 hours a day. I don't want a dog anymore.

Oh and I've been eating, NONstop, like a fucking cow. It's Rosie's fault.

xoxo zen

johnstonbee, I'll reply to your tag questions next post...been thinking of fun answers for ya.