Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I Want a Pet Boy

Visiting a friend and her snotty little cat. My dumb dog spends her entire day barking at it, gets smacked in face repeatedly (with claws), then barks even louder. Idiot.

And cats REALLY know how to give the evil eye!

My dog requires a ton of attention, gets her feelings hurt if I do not let her sit by (or on) me and whines the entire time I'm gone from the house.

Her cat will purr quietly and make you feel special when she chooses to give you attention (which is rare). Then kick your ass if she wants to be left alone.

Based on my highly scientific research... One could hypothesize:
Cat people prefer casual slutty relationships and are basically evil.
Dog people prefer very close relationships thus eventually converting others into cat people.

Me? I prefer a caged boy.

xoxo zen (kinky bitch)

*EDIT* Kelly, if I had your dog, it would eat the cat... problem solved!  
And finally new post at zen thinspo "Winged Creatures"

Monday, September 20, 2010

Posting while drinking

Sober zen is ok but...drunk zen is awesome!

Why cant I just be buzzed all the time? It is so much more fun.
Sure, I drive a bit more sloppy.
But for the most part, my day goes very smooth.

WTF is up with sobriety? It's stupid.

(zen just had 4 margaritas)

Friday, September 10, 2010

PERSONAL stuff you must know

Thank you my lovelies, Violet, Ell, Luna, Lund3on, and the beautiful Madz who started it all... HERE. I wish I could give one back to each of you, as punishment for making me do all this work.

Things I LOATH:
1) Feet They are gross, fungus laden, sweaty, and toenails can even cut you. Yet there are some freaky people that like to suck on them. Keep your feet the hell away from me when I'm eating or I will stab you with my fork.
2) Haters Angry people are toxic. They annoy me. I don't hate them.
I just really really really fucking dislike them, and sometimes want to punch them in the face.
3) Dicks who ignore wildlife while driving There will be a bunch of pigeons on the road and they plow right through. I'd love to see one of those assholes in a crosswalk... oopsie, sorry dude, thought you'd scurry away faster than that.

Things I LOVE:
1. Tailgaters I like to tap my brakes to scare the shit out of them. Sometimes I slow waaaay down for them. I could drive for miles at a snails pace. Oh so fun. *snicker*
2. Jason Statham...

...is a HOT as fuck! Num num num.
3. I guess I should also include my dog, but honestly, she still grosses me out with all her slobbery ass chewing.
4. The Moon I have always been in love with it. A harvest moon is my favorite.

Winners... If you already got one, just pass it along. This helps us all discover other interesting bloggers.

MaryJane - My sexy little foul mouthed vixen. You totally speak my language. I would love to see your answers to this quiz.
Margg - Such an awesome mind. I'd curse a lot less if I were even a fraction as articulate as you... But I gotta work with what I've got. You're writing is beautiful love.
Kelly  - You deserve the shit out of this. I saw this show last night, and hot damn this chic is KICK-ASS. She immediately reminded me of you. Can't wait till you get your tat!


Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Brain = Good

I missed you guys! Topa the WONDER DRUG,  turned my brain to utter shit. My inability to grasp words was unbelievable. I could not complete the simplest thoughts.

"Uhhh...." was practically every word out of my mouth. And so was fuck. I said fuck a lot, just to fill in the gaps.

When I said something incoherent, friends would just laugh and say "awww zen".... I guess they thought it was so cute, my being partially brain dead and all. 

I tried for the longest time to rationalize it. Besides, I still had my looks. Maybe I could just be an airhead... why not? My sister is one, and guys think she's adorable.

Unfortunately, being adorable didn't work for me. When I'd open my mouth to speak, people thought I was retarded. An adorable little retard.

I stopped taking Topa last week. Recuperation is officially underway. I can already feel my snark and wit slowly emerging.

Sadly though, my sensation of hunger has returned and I no longer have any food aversion. The free ride is over...  I'm back to actually putting an effort into losing weight.

I've finally accepted the dreaded fact, that the ability to form complete sentences must take precedent over my lovely Topa.

Apparently, having an IQ is a necessity. Not fair.


Monday, August 02, 2010

Lascivious text?


I love a good game of dirty talk. This boy doesn't know how to play.

And he seriously typed *blink*.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean anyway? Is that the way douche-bags *wink*? Or was he indicating for me to type my address so we can get-it-on already?

He aint getting any.

Pretty much sums up my personal life right now. Blah. In need of more alcohol and new batteries for my electronic boyfriend.

Found out that my teen sisters "sleep overs" at girlfriends houses were actually just a bullshit way to sneak out to wild parties. The kind I used to go to at her age. The kind she is NOT allowed to be going to. That lil skank is grounded for life.

So what if I am a hypocrite? I get a twisted pleasure out of watching her pout.

I really don't know what to do with her. Maybe she just needs to be put in a convent. Then I can finally get out and have some fun.

I do remember being her age. Those were some crazy times. And I didn't have a bitchy older sister to ruin all the fun.

Ooh, I finally set up a Facebook account... feel free to add me!


Muchas gracias for the yummy joke Hollow.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Fairy Poop

I haven't eaten in forever. So now the evil little fat-fairy has begun stalking me. She basically takes a shit and food drops in front of you... like magic.

At a cafe my best friend drops part of her sandwich onto the table in front of me. Claiming she cannot possibly eat the whole thing herself. Uh, no thanks. I do not eat food right off of a dirty table. Gross.

Screw it, I ate it anyways.

Then, that night, I was startled awake by a mouth full of vomit. I was confused so I fucking swallowed it (don't worry, it wasn't lumpy).

In the morning I woke up feeling so shitty. And I had the worst migraine of my life.

I am NEVER eating again. Fucking ever!

While other fairies spread their sweet fairy dust around... that evil bitch is spreading her FECES.  
Then tricking poor hungry girls into EATING it!

I know, drama queen much? Yep. I HATE BEING SICK!!! Unless I've just had a crazy wild x-rated evening, I do NOT want to wake up feeling hungover.

Mmm, I wish I had a yummy guy to cuddle up with. Sex is better than food anyways. Yup, even NOW I'm gonna complain about my lack of sex life.

Hey, just wait until I finally do bag a man! Every post will be about how great my sex life is. "blah blah... his chewy ass..."
Either way this blog is doomed.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Dick Speak

My stomach shriveled up after the 3 day baby food cleanse. I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat for the next week. Despite the fact that I went out for drinks on girls night, I am still calling this a fast. 

I lost a total of 10lbs, gained back 2lbs post fast (it's really just pre-poo) Total loss = 8lbs Woot!!

Unfortunately I only seem to be capable of talking about ONE thing when drinking on an empty stomach. Can you guess what it is??
It doesn't seem to have anything to do with simply being drunk though. I can become completely wasted and still have a great cock-free conversation, as long as I have food in my tummy.

As I told you in another post, I spent one fun evening eating and getting drunk with a homeless man. And I can assure you, I did not bring up the subject of his penis even once.

But give me a couple beers on a fasting tummy and all that comes out of my mouth is dick speak.

So a couple drinks (during this fast) led to the usual flirting, then asking a boy about his penis size, challenging him to prove it by whipping it out RIGHT there, and eventually mocking him for being too much of a pussy to do it.

Needless to say, I did not get laid that night. Hmmm. Perhaps I should reevaluate my approach?

Ah, well... despite my wicked ways, the scale goddess saw fit to FINALLY bless me with 120 pounds. Next goal is 110 baby!

Oh, and my ultimate goal is to finally have sex again before it just doesn't fucking matter anymore how thin I am.

Hey! It's the Penis Song!

xoxo, zen

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Well slap me thrice and hand me to my mama.

The baby food diet is frigging adorable. Three days of the cleanse, lost 7lbs. Woot! Fuck you fad-diet haters.

I rarely eat any fruit or veggies. I'm like a bratty toddler. So baby food sounded pretty befitting my mental maturity. I can just grab one out of the fridge, it's already portion controlled, and the little smiley pictures on the containers make me happy.

Yes, I am using a big-girl spoon.

Why do babies always make that blech face when you try to feed them the veggies? If you pick up a mixture of peas carrots and tomatoes, its like a mushy casserole. It's delicious! Stupid babies.

Just shared an apple vanilla granola with my curious sister. She had asked wtf I was eating it for, told her it was baby food for grown ups.  She believed me.

So I have 2-3 containers 80 cal each, daily. Not bad for a cleansing fast. I also drink 8 oz water before and after. My goal is to do this for one week. Or until I hit a goal weightloss of 10lbs.

One concern... poo's are no longer solid. Have become a bit on the softer side. Hope shart's don't follow. Am too big for diapers.

Here's Abby kershaw sucking down a pouch of Ella’s broccoli pear + peas baby food. Doesn't she make it look so cute? And sexy as shit!

Found info on a very cool website Skinnygossip.com. Thanks Lund3on!


Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I Dream of Being a Fat Ass

For the past few weeks I have been having "FAT" dreams.

I'm always NAKED too. It's ridiculous.

I'll get so enormous I cannot squeeze through doorways or fit into cars. I'm this butt-ass naked person running frantically around, trying like hell to find somewhere to hide.

And I usually have to pee.

I can never seem to find anything to cover up with. There are no fucking clothes anywhere. So I hold my hands over my boobs and vajajay. A lot of good that does with an enormous booty bouncing around as I run.

What pisses me off is that I am becoming seriously deprived of my sex dreams. Even if I hide under the covers, I can't get away with pouncing on a hot dude without him noticing my blubber oozing all over the place. Fucking imaginary guys are turned off by me!

Stupid subconscious. Ruining the only chance I have to get properly laid.

xoxo zen

Friday, June 18, 2010

Sexy and Shriveling

Took my teen sister to her doctor for a checkup. 
The nurse said she was 5'7" tall. 
HUH? Wait a minute... lets try that again, must be a mistake.
She measured again. Yes, my sister is definitely 5'7".

I have always been 5'7" and she's already towering over me.
I said, um, can you measure me then? Cause I'm confused.
I lost an inch of height?! LOL. Whaaat?

Numbers raced through my head. So I am FATTER! Now my goal weight has to be 5lbs lower? Or 10lbs? Oh god, no no, I have to be an inch taller, I need it!

I wanted the nurse to help me understand what just happened. But for some reason she seemed unfazed by my nervous breakdown. It was like she had something better to do.

I sat through my sisters exam... nodding my head and pretending to care (cause I am such a selfless person), all the while thinking about how I need to hurry home and recalculate my BMI.

Afterwords her doctor asked if I had any questions. 

I jumped up. Ooh yeah! She is clearly taller than me right? I have always been 5'7", and she just measured at 5'7", but now I am suddenly 5'6". How is that possible?

He chuckled and said not to worry, it just happens as we become older.


But I'm only in my 20's.

Welcome to the geriatric shrinking club zen.

Wet granny kisses,

Oh, btw her drug test was negatory! Good girl. I told you I am a strict hypocrite.

EDIT: I calculated my new goal weight based on shrinkage... 103lbs.
So that means I am now 7lbs fatter.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010


Been pretty bummed since the ridiculous demise of Lost. A toddler could have conceived a better ending plot.

Six years, SIX fucking years I watched that show. And BLAM... the fuck-tards kill them all off. Leave my la la land intact why don't you?! Now every time I try to fantasize about one of those sexy (dead) island dudes, I get depressed.

If Alice were here she'd agree, but she's not, so I'll speak for her. The Lost series finale sucked ASS! And she'd also say that Damon Salvatore and I would make beautiful babies together.
Right Alice? Bow chicka bow wow.

Girls night out was a blast as usual. Drinking, flirting... my best friend made out with a hot blue-eyed boy.

And I made friends with a bum. His name was Larry.

Another homeless man, was trying to chase Larry away on his bicycle. That dude was trying like hell to run Larry over. I guess there was some kind of hobo turf war going on.

So I invited him to sit with us at our patio table. We enjoyed a few drinks and some grub. Larry was a bit odd, naturally, but very nice. And he didn't smell that bad at all. Why the fuck do I mention things like that? It's like saying I was sitting there sniffing him.

My mother always did call me a bum magnet. She'd be so proud.

Ahhh this commercial always gave me chills...

xoxo zen

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Fatty McRubberband Pants


I did a bit of research about the Rubber Band Technique because I was wondering why the hell some use it to help with eating/binge disorders. I really liked this...

Are you in the habit of putting yourself down? ... This behavior has to stop or you will just manifest more experiences that prove you are right. Negative self-talk is a self-fulfilling prophesy.


When I tell myself I am fricken awesome and deserve to look and feel my best, I will bust-ass to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I AM awesome as shit. 
But I often get bummed cause the scale is such a bitch.

So, I am going to utilize the positive self talk/no pigging out with the snap-the-shit-out-of-my-wrist band technique. 


To be more on the "down-low" I'm going to use those colorful silly bands my sisters wear. I like the ones that glow in the dark. Coolio. They may break more easily than actual rubber bands but luckily they come 10 in a pack.

Anyone remember how Selma Blair used to absentmindedly pluck her little rubber band in the movie Hell Boy? That little fire-starter made it look so damn sexy.

Love ya girlies!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

They aren't even old enough to lick butts yet.

Today baby had a few of her little friends over to play.

I was walking by and stopped outside her door to listen for a bit cause they were giggling so fricken adorably.

Apparently she made up a game called "potty-time".
When asked what time it is, you have to answer with dirty words.

Here are a few of the creative answers I heard...
it's poop o'clock
it's pee o'clock
it's weenerstomper o'clock (wow, not sure what time that is)
it's lickerbutt o'clock (liquor butt... or... lick her butt?)
it's buttmonkey o'clock (ha)
it's pootylickbuttassboogerfuckshiteater o'clock (ok game over kiddies)
Can ya guess which ones I heard come from the mouth of  innocent little baby? 
Hint... every one she made up had the word "lick" in it.

I don't know where the fuck she gets this shit from.

Cute game though.

For those concerned about my "parenting" skills, I do punish her whenever she calls me a fat ass. 


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Cheer Boys, and Fat Dogs

My sister has been dating a jealous controlling verbally abusive shit-brained football player. I kept finding reasons to ground her so she couldn't be alone with him. I warned him that if he hurt my sister, I could make his death look like an accident. 

Last week she finally dumped him for a HOT guy on her varsity cheerleading team.  Her ex isn't even jealous because he assumes this new dude is a "fag". Whatever makes you feel better, fucking idiot.

Cheer boy is coming over to watch a "Bring It On" movie marathon with her Friday night (yeah, those movies are a bit gay). He asked her if I would get pissed if he kissed her. She told him I was like ceiling cat... even if they didn't see me in the room, as soon as he touched her, I would drop down like a ninja.
Ha. Good girl.

Our dog is lovingly referred to as Assface now. Although she no longer chews her butt, the tarnished image remains. Sorry babe, it's like a Highschool rep... you will NEVER live it down.

Dog's and their owners really do reflect each other though. No, I cannot chew my own ass. Although it would be interesting to be that flexible... anyways... I always admire those people with fluffy little dogs that probably lose 3/4 of their mass when wet.

Ours is short, stocky, and meaty. I feel fat when walking her. I want to hurry up and get indoors before anyone see's us. Poor Assface. My ana mindset extends to the dog now.


Sunday, May 16, 2010

It's My Birthday

And I'm am about to get properly drunk!

The present I'm hoping for is a well-hung boy. Fingers crossed, OK?

Much luv,

Saturday, May 15, 2010


Awww I took so long, I am sorry. Mmmm. This thing is so pretty. 
Much thanks to my buds Lucille Sottile Kristal Alice Elle Madz Hollow Adeline Katie Bree and zette.
I knew you guys fucking loved me! Kinky bitches.

Here goes confession time...
1. I was partying one night with a girl I met in college. She was very beautiful, all the guys wanted her. As we got in the elevator going to a sky-rise rooftop party, she leaned over and kissed me. It was surprising, and lovely.

2. Everyone in my family is blond, blue eyed and fair skinned. I have dark brown hair, brown eyes and tan skin. When I was young I always imagined  I was kidnapped and my birth parents refused to pay the ransom.
I searched for my half-brother most of my life. I recently found him. He looks just like me. A hottie.

3.  I will try anything atleast once. I see and do some amazing things. And am constantly adding more to the list. Of course I take my sisters along for the ride. I would have loved to have had the opportunity to travel the world when I was their age.

4. My mom listened in on a phone conversation I was having once.She discovered that I smoked pot with a friend. She sent me away to boarding school to straighten me out. They had lots of drugs there.

5. I am a vegetarian. My sister converted me. We put stickers up at McDonalds drive-thru exits everywhere we travel.

6. I shoplifted once.

7. I can control my dreams. It's called lucid dreaming. I prefer to be asleep rather than awake. I get laid much more often.

Now for the awardee's. You ladies already know why I love you...

Much luv,
xoxo zen

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Found My Balls

I've been such a mess girls. It is not at all in my nature to fall apart like this. I am the kind of girl who got mugged, then joked about it later with the cops. 

As most of you know I am the guardian of my sisters. Last week, the loser-father of my baby sister decided to have a visit.  She see's him about once a month. She doesn't like him much though. Uh, probably cause of the seething-bloody-crusty-oozing-noxious-fumes he exudes. Yum.

When he brought her back. He simply say's "I'm gonna keep her for awhile". What? As I reached for her door handle, he got back in and locked the car doors. She began frantically trying to get out and started crying. 

I knocked on the window and told him to open the fucking door. Did I mention his girlfriend was in the passenger seat... NOT looking at me. Hmm. Perhaps it was because she knew I wanted to do this...

I yelled for him to get the fuck out and talk to me. What the hell?! The tot was hysterical by now. OMG! I was not about to let them leave, so I blocked the fucking car and began yelling for someone to call the police.

He got out and was speaking calmly. Oh I hate people who do that. Who fight with you calmly. Mock you calmly. Say venomous things calmly. He said she was perfectly fine. And that I was making things worse by overreacting. OVER reacting would have been picking up a brick, breaking the damn window... or his head for that matter.

His girlfriend was still in there, staring straight ahead. I slammed my hand against the window and said a word I have never said before. A word I loathe. It came out fluidly. "Open the door you CUNT!"

Finally, after an hour and 45 minutes the police had shown up. I don't know what to expect from him next, but I am not going to let that fucktard bully us again.

I am ashamed of myself for being such pussy this past week. But I am done with my pity-party. I am going to finally take a fucking shower, contact an attorney, and kick that mother fucker in his Angry Inch. Lucille LeSeur, dig the movie ref? 

Takes a pretty small pecker to kidnap a 5 year old. A real man would try working out custody issues in an entirely different manner.


Thank you lovely PD for letting my cry on your cyber shoulder last night (in your time zone). I love you soooooo much!!! Yes, in the kinkiest manner possible. Unfortunately I live far far away and cannot run over there and hug the hell outta you.

Monday, May 10, 2010

M.I.A. for a bit

Some shitty things have happened recently and I am feeling overwhelmed. I haven't posted for a bit because I'm working on getting things/emotions back under control right now. I'll give you the scoop about the fucktard responsible once the dust has settled. In the meantime I'm still maintaining my thinspo page. Looking at pretty tits can be such a nice distraction.

Love love love you guys.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Vampire Diaries

This show, despite its TV-PG content cheesiness, has gotten me pretty hooked.

These boys want her so badly. I just wish they could actually get it on. Strattle them both already girl!

Btw... If this were lala land, Damon is mine. And he's nekkid.

Not even the best vibrator can accomplish what those boys are doing right now in my imagination. 
Fuck I need to get laid.


Monday, May 03, 2010

Got Fleas

Rosie Hat is disgusting. 
She has fleas. Apparently she is just too retarded to handle it.
I have sprayed the floors, bathed the dog, put that gel stuff on her back...
REtreated the apartment, REbathed the dog, put more of that gel on her back (about 4 times now). 
Yet she still chews her ass. Constantly. Feverishly. NONstop. 

She is a pug and unfortunately she has the issue of snorting snoring spitting spraying and slobbering. When she chews on her ass, it sounds wet and sloppy like she is eating a big piece of raw meat.
I want to kick her. 

She sits at my feet to chew her ass. She sits on the couch to chew her ass. She sits on my pillow to chew her ass. I have to turn on the radio to sleep because her ass-chewing is so loud. 

I no longer look at her cute ears bouncing along as she trots around the house. I look at her butt hole. Yes. I only see a walking ass... the nasty ass that she chews on 24 hours a day. I don't want a dog anymore.

Oh and I've been eating, NONstop, like a fucking cow. It's Rosie's fault.

xoxo zen

johnstonbee, I'll reply to your tag questions next post...been thinking of fun answers for ya.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

I don't usually talk about food on my blog. I just find it to be too triggering.

Some of you do.. no problem, I can skim over it. I have no fucking clue as to what you eat, especially when I am fasting.

So be warned...
I am about to talk about why I want to kill Mr Peanut.

Last night I was craving a pb&j sandwich. 2 to be exact. They were monsters. I mean HUGE. I loaded those suckers up with an inch of peanut butter and some raspberry jam.

I became sick half way through the second one. So decided, in my infinite wisdom, it was probably a good time to go to bed. Oh, and did I mention, I had no water to wash those gooey suckers down?

I had a dream I was vomiting. How odd, right? A hot sexy boy was soothing my face with a cool damp cloth. It didn't help. Urp.
I woke up with vomit in my mouth. Gulp.
And a lump of mashed up peanut butter and bread in my throat. I tried swallowing to push that sucker back down. It was choking me. Bleh.

When I sat up, I realized I was all clammy and dizzy.
This turned into a long night of fighting off the vomits. I was afraid to let that fucker come all the way up.

This morning I am still nauseous. My mouth keeps watering like I need to puke. But for some stupid reason I am terrified of that ball of peanut butter inside me. I imagine it is absorbing all the liquids I drink and growing into a massive pile of sticky dough.

Ugh and I am fasting today too... with a peanut butter blob still sitting in an undigested lump in the bottom of my stomach.

Suffice to say, I am NEVER eating pb&j again. EVER again. Yet another food item I have completely ruined for life.

Ack, these rotten tasting peanut butter burps are giving me a headache.

xoxo zen

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Miss Funny Pants

My sister appreciates my sense of humor. Cause she rocks. But her little friends just stare at me like I am stupid.

It was rainy today when I picked her up from school. She had a group of teenagers huddled around hoping for a ride. I'm so cool. I began joking with them as soon as they got in the car.
Uh, nobody laughed. Whatever.

So, I was driving along acting crazy. I was quite funny. Cracking myself up. Being my usual self... which is REALLY fucking hilarious, ya know?
Uh, NO, they REALLY didn't think so.

"She is kidding, she is only kidding, zen they think you are serious, you are scaring them".

What the fuck?

I wasn't really going to run over that old man.. I only hit the gas for a second. Geeze!

My sister say's I am alot funnier in writing than I am in person. Whew...  I'll definitely take that as a compliment.

xoxo zen

*EDIT: Uh, you guys keep saying "hit and run". I was only gonna plow him over, I never said I would just keep on driving! 
Gah, what kind of sick people are you?!
As for the point system... he was moving pretty slow, so I think it would only merit a 10.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Post Fast FAIL

I was little miss "snooty pants" after losing so much weight on my fast. Thought I was hot shit. Pffft.
Yesterday we got together with some friends for lunch. They made a bunch of vegetarian food for my sisters and I. It was so sweet of them. Assholes.

My eyes rolled back in my head like a shark as I took a bite into a scrumptious veggie burger. It was orgasmic. Had 3 more orgasms after that.

One of my sisters caught me the kitchen stuffing even more food in my mouth. She just stared at me with a bemused look on her face. "What?!" I asked, trying to act all nonchalant.

This morning, I ballooned up 3 fucking pounds!
I promptly removed those veggie chefs from my friends list on Facebook, no more luncheon invites from them. 

I gotta poop! Tonight, I am sending all these turd babies to laxie hell. Problem solved. 

Okay, taking my "snooty pants" off now.

xoxo zen

Thursday, April 22, 2010

3 Day Fast WIN

Start weight 136
Finish weight 128
I shit you not!!

Well, maybe I did lean to the left a bit, but it still counts. My scale can only be manipulated a couple oz. Now if it went down a pound, THAT would be cheating.

And keep in mind, I'm on Topa. So I have a considerable advantage when I do not put food in my mouth.

Ever notice how much those empty fat cells like to jiggle? Those bastards really like to stick around, waiting to be filled up again after the famine is over.

I do love how my jeans become baggy after a quick drop in weight. But it sucks that my ass becomes baggy too.

It was all good until last night, my sister cooked up something that shall remain nameless. The mouthwatering smell woke something EVIL inside me.

I was, um strong?
NO. I wanted to kill something... really hard, fatally, to DEATH.
I snapped at everyone and everything around me, like a rabid chihuahua.

I guess I was hungry.

Compared to previous fasts though, this one was pretty tame.

Much luv,
xoxo zen

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Fugly Motivation

My ex-boyfriend (dickwad) has a girlfriend that loves to glare at me. It is her favorite hobby. And I love to watch her do it. It makes me happy. 

My friends and I were at a coffee shop yesterday when dickwad walked in with grumpy. She glanced over at our table and promptly drew her face into a scowl. 

How cute.

The more she pouts, the more humorous it becomes. I just smile at her sweetly. I really look forward to these encounters.

Perhaps I should be flattered. Am I really that intimidating? I'm realizing it can be motivation to lose more weight... I can actually give her a GOOD reason to frown. I fucking love it!

Weight  / Treat
130   Sexy heels to make grumpy jealous
125   Hot makeup to make grumpy jealous
120   Risqué outfit to make grumpy jealous
115   Wicked tattoo to make grumpy jealous
110   Sensuous haircut to make grumpy jealous

Much luv,
xoxo zen

P.S. Thank you SO much for all the loving comments in my last post. It felt wonderful to receive such kindness when I needed it most. You guys are truly beyond amazing!! xoxoxoxoxoxo!!!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Rattie Heaven

Rest In Peace Piggy

Piggy was a sweet cuddly hairless rat. The only hairs he did have were his curly little whiskers. It felt like a tiny little cat tongue when he licked my fingers. He was so fricken awesome.

My heart is broken.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Well, as I slept, those extra 2lbs snuck out like a slutty one night stand.
The next day I fasted like a good girl.
Plus I found some rice-wine in my fridge so I decided to allow myself one cup as a reward... mmm it was so nice and warm in my tummy.
Unfortunately drinking sake on an empty stomach leads to typing shit like this...
Sun - sake fast
Mon - sake fast
Tue - sake fast
Wed - sake fast
Thu - sake fast
Fri - sake fast
Sat - sake fast
I think I'll make a few adjustments to that now that I'm a bit more clear headed.

I'm feeling a bit low on my curse word count today, so take it from here Sue Simmons...

Much luv girlies,
xoxo zen

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Bingey Bingey

//Begin Pity Party//

Notice how much I post when I have good stuff to report?
I've been away.
Have been eating crapola. Whatever junk food the girls brought/bring into the apt. Is all gone now.

"Where is the last éclair?" Sister asks stupid question
No answer.
"Where is the last chocolate éclair?!" She's blond btw.
No answer.
"Why wont you answer me?!!"
"SHHHH! I'm watching this!" I point to tv.. then brush finger across lips to wipe away any evidence.
"I just want to know where the éclair is!"  

It started off slowly... then slid into binge mode(ish). I'd eat a bit, let it digest, then eat again... NON-STOP. What made it even more pathetic, is food still tastes bland. There was no oral satisfaction, just a mental one.

The only reasons I can think that I was slipping, or trying to slip, back into this habit are...

1. No sex life (vibrator doesn't count).
2. Lost 20lbs but NOBODY noticed. 
3. Holiday... ? I know. I am grasping here.
4. Uhhhhh.

Ok, so there you have it. Heartbreaking, eh?
I KNOW... you "understand how I feel",  "are sorry it is so rough for me right now", "really hope it gets better"... sigh... I hope I get laid soon too.

I hid in my fatcave, afraid to weigh myself for about a week. Finally decided to assess the damage yesterday.

I had this picture all ready for this post, as an example of myself in all my puffy, bloated, freakish glory.


Are you shitting me Topa? Are ya laughing behind my back? I was so depressed thinking my clothing was becoming tighter and my body a bit more jiggly. Absolutely sure I had rebounded atleast 10lbs, nearly half my initial loss.

Lo and behold only 2 weensie lbs. Harhar. Joke's on me. 

Today I fast. Those 2lbs go bye-bye.

//End Pity Party//

xoxo zen

Monday, April 12, 2010

Sunshine Award Thingy!

I'm sending BIG WET kisses to... minaraloualissonsunshine, and an extra kinky one to you P.D. for this neat Sunshine Award.
I was very excited until I thought about who to pass it along to. Undoubtedly someone is gonna feel hurt, or left out. Shit.
So, uh yeah, thanks a-fucken-lot ladies.

Some of you peeps have already won this award, so don't be greedy. I am not giving it to you.
Hmmm... here goes.

The rules of this blog award are:
1. Post this logo within your blog or post
2. Pass the award onto 5 fellow bloggers
3. Link to the nominees within your post
4. Let the nominees know they have received an award by commenting on their blog
5. Share the love and link the person whom you received this blog award

Miss Burton - There is NEVER a dull moment with this gal.  I am quite a sucker for her sarcasm and dirty talk too.

Sarah - That girl is full of energy. It is absolutely contagious. She is SO adorable.  I could just eat her up... SERIOUSLY... I wouldn't even gain an ounce!

Sottile - Is a very busy vet student... social life, events, travel, studies, etc... I live vicariously through her exciting and dramatic life.

Her roommates however need to have their baked goods shoved up their fat asses.

I read everyone of the blogs to the lower right of my page. Check them out. They are all lovely.

Much luv,
xoxo zen

P.S. Meg - I saw someone else already gave this award to you. Check your comments, then get off your tiny ass and do the post. xoxo

P.P.S. Everyone should check out Calla's blog too. She's supa cool. I really love people who use the word "fuck". It adds a nice dramatic flair. She's definitely got alot of flair.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Lala Land

My girlie P.D. was talking about her first love. It was (and still is) intense. I have yet to experience that particular type of insanity.

The only long-term relationship I ever had lasted about a year. I liked him for the first couple months, then HATED  him the remaining 10 months. After that I rarely dated anymore, mostly just used guys for sex (they didn't mind).

I have special standards.

Anybody watch Lost? I am addicted to Lost, can't believe this is the last season.

My latest fantasy is Martin Keamy (the mercenary from Lost)... he likes to play rough *wink wink*. OK he is actually a TV character, but we have a great life together in lala land. Maybe that's why I've never been in love, all the boys I truly want are imaginary.

Sadly real men just don't cut it. A guy may have that sexy rouge-esq-ness about him, but then as he confidently walks over to flirt, I look down in horror at his ...  flip flops, mercenaries don't wear flip flops!

Much luvs,
xoxo zen

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.

I am having EPIC brain-farts lately. Perhaps this prolonged fast is starting to kill off my brain cells, causing them to release noxious gas.

At the holiday family gathering the women were talking about a cousins recent "natural delivery" in which a birthing tub was set up in her living room. (no electricity)

Hours after the birth, a hose was hooked up to the (bloody) tub and drained into the toilette. (gag) So I asked who got to put the hose in their mouth and siphon that shit out? Silence. I heard crickets. Why the fuck did I say that?

I usually think before I speak... but the brain flatulence is pushing words out before I have time to process them. Fuuuuck. Instead of talking to people, I might as well just walk over and pee on them. It would be far less embarrassing.

People are speaking way too fast also. They need to dumb-it-down a bit. You know? The way you would talk to a   s.. l.. o.. w..  person. 

My baby sister and I were at a shop today and I called out to her to come over to me. She yelled back, "that is not my name" and kept wandering around.  "Whoever you are, get your ass back over here" I shouted. A lady in the shoppe was eyeballing me so I tilted my head and smiled.

Yeah lady,  just keep on walking. Else you might catch my stupid.

xoxo zen

Friday, April 02, 2010

I was bad, and I liked it

I ate more than usual yesterday. Something snapped. Well more like succumbed, happily obliged, submitted? Eh, that just sounds slutty. I didn't feverishly stuff my face, I simply ate and got sum pleasure out of it, rawr. wink wink.

So I had a croissant in the morning. And a tofurky sandwich for brunch. Then was craving pancakes for dinner, but we were all out of syrup, whew, disaster averted.

Couldn't drink the "ass" beer though. Fuck! Maybe someday they will come out with an "ass-lite".

Felt a slight twinge of guilt cause I am still a fat as hell. Since I haven't really eaten in over a month, I figured I'd avoid the scale today. Forgive(ish) and forget(ish). But I still feel guilty, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here at my internet confessional.

Oh, and had my first real poo in a month too. So I guess this binge went straight through me. That's good, right? For some reason? Gotta be something good about that? Somehow? Whatever.


I decided to hop on the scale.
Did not gain an ounce.
Fucking awesome.
Oh topa, you havn't failed me yet, smooches.