Thursday, May 20, 2010

Cheer Boys, and Fat Dogs

My sister has been dating a jealous controlling verbally abusive shit-brained football player. I kept finding reasons to ground her so she couldn't be alone with him. I warned him that if he hurt my sister, I could make his death look like an accident. 

Last week she finally dumped him for a HOT guy on her varsity cheerleading team.  Her ex isn't even jealous because he assumes this new dude is a "fag". Whatever makes you feel better, fucking idiot.

Cheer boy is coming over to watch a "Bring It On" movie marathon with her Friday night (yeah, those movies are a bit gay). He asked her if I would get pissed if he kissed her. She told him I was like ceiling cat... even if they didn't see me in the room, as soon as he touched her, I would drop down like a ninja.
Ha. Good girl.

Our dog is lovingly referred to as Assface now. Although she no longer chews her butt, the tarnished image remains. Sorry babe, it's like a Highschool rep... you will NEVER live it down.

Dog's and their owners really do reflect each other though. No, I cannot chew my own ass. Although it would be interesting to be that flexible... anyways... I always admire those people with fluffy little dogs that probably lose 3/4 of their mass when wet.

Ours is short, stocky, and meaty. I feel fat when walking her. I want to hurry up and get indoors before anyone see's us. Poor Assface. My ana mindset extends to the dog now.



  1. I'm really happy for your sister! Don't knock the cheerleading men. It takes a lot of strength to throw up cheerleaders and such.

  2. i imagine you as pretty awesome big sister ;) xo

  3. Oh you make me laugh so much. Actually laugh out loud. People within earshot of my laughter think I'm mad.


    Lots and lots of love

  4. does that mean I'm a badass like my dobe? and someday I'll be lean and sexy?

    god I hope so

  5. mwahahaha I love your posts!

  6. LOL. Ceiling cat.

    Not a fan of those tiny yippy dogs. I feel like my cats could eat them. Sorry. ;)


  7. you never cease to make me smile and giggle and laugh

  8. You sound like the coolest big sister ever.

  9. If you're ceiling cat then who is basement cat? :)

  10. Lord you make me laugh. Would you mind if I were to idolise you a little?

    Adeline xx

  11. geez, thanks so much for ur sweet comments, i really appreciated it!!! makes me feel like i'm still human. anyway, sounds like ur sister got u right lol - a ceiling ninja cat. just hilarious. cracks me up while i'm sitting in front of my laptop looking like an absolute idiot. love ur style anyway. /xo

  12. that photo of the cheerleader has me all mixed up inside!!! haha. part of me cringes when i look at it, yet i still want to look. another part of me........ i'm just gonna be honest ok?.....another part of me just wants to be 'like' her. not so much up in the air but ....oh i dont know. im burning with shame now.

  13. the part of the ninja made me laugh so hard.
    thanks i really neede a good laugh
    you really care about your sis that is so greta


  14. haha - no, you said you feel fat when walking your dog because she is fat and I was hoping someday I'll actually be more of a reflection of the dobe - cause he's all lean and awesome, and I'm still fat & meaty - does that make sense? sometimes my thought process is so random. I'm just picturing Disney cartoons and how the dogs and owners always match perfectly...

    & thanks for the blogger award, I did see that :)

  15. haha!
    my dog is a tiny little chihuahua terrier, and I feel like a fatass when I walk her, too.
    i guess your theory could be taken many different ways.
    good luck with keeping the cheer dude in line-
    but at least he ASKED if he could kiss her, you know?
    that's always a good sign...

  16. Your posts are SO funny! I love your personality! The cieling cat is hilarious! Tell that guy that you'll hurt him if he leaves her for a dude.

  17. yay for your sister getting rid of the douche!
    i wish i had a sister... i would want her to be as awesome as you :)

  18. I have no clue. I left her a comment late last night to apologize for not keeping up to date with my reading, then early this morning she was gone - totally vanished!

    I think it's time to panic!

  19. Surely if you're walking a tubby dog, you look thinner in comparison? Heh @ Ceiling Cat - And how cute that he asked your permission to kiss her!

    They ARE pretty, aren't they? I fantasise about making a pink daisy chain with them. I'm a child at heart apparently, it's what i always do whenever i go to the park.

    Arg! What happened to Alice?! You don't suppose her flatmates found her blog, read the 'Fat people eat things like this' post and killed her with their beard and thunder thighs, do you?! *worried*

  20. Aww, I'm glad your sis got out of her bad relation ship into one with a good guy. It's cute he asked if he could kiss her. My lil sis is 11 and going into midle school next fall and god she is a boy hound. Your dog sound silly. My dog is really fat to. I always make fun of the little yip dogs.

  21. Hahah hilarious pic! Poor little Rosie Ass/Hat! Haha asshat has always been one of my fav insults lol :) She sounds like such a mush; I love mushie dogs!

  22. I want to come back, I'm going mad without you all. Horrific exam pressure isn't helpful for my sanity either.

    Soon, soon! Don't forget me. Or disappear! What's the story with Alice!?? xxx

  23. her ex boyfriend is an ass.

    i do the same to my sister.

  24. I love you and I miss you.

    I think my last comment was something similar to this, if not the exact same thing.

    Still holds true.

    Way to be an awesome big sister, love. <3 You're the best one I know.


  25. Haha God,I love reading your blog. Too fucking addicted. Get off your skinny ass and give us fatties something to read and inspire us! I kid,but really,I speak for many when I say we miss you. We fucking miss Alice,too! Where is she?!


  26. okay im back but...where the hell are you?!?! i feel like we keep passing each other and i promise not to make any promises know what i mean.
    i gotta say, i like rosie ass more..has a ring to it. plus it sounds like it would be alot more fun to yell out if she runs away from you in public.oh and if your worried about her looking fat in public you could always dress her in something a doggy tu-tu...or a ninja costume(black is slimming)...i love rediculous animal outfits.
    i hope your doing okay girl. the web is a bleak and miserably fat place without you. we need your kick ass-ness to get us in shape.

    oh and ceiling cat is freaking hilarious.
    stay strong


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