Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I Want a Pet Boy

Visiting a friend and her snotty little cat. My dumb dog spends her entire day barking at it, gets smacked in face repeatedly (with claws), then barks even louder. Idiot.

And cats REALLY know how to give the evil eye!

My dog requires a ton of attention, gets her feelings hurt if I do not let her sit by (or on) me and whines the entire time I'm gone from the house.

Her cat will purr quietly and make you feel special when she chooses to give you attention (which is rare). Then kick your ass if she wants to be left alone.

Based on my highly scientific research... One could hypothesize:
Cat people prefer casual slutty relationships and are basically evil.
Dog people prefer very close relationships thus eventually converting others into cat people.

Me? I prefer a caged boy.

xoxo zen (kinky bitch)

*EDIT* Kelly, if I had your dog, it would eat the cat... problem solved!  
And finally new post at zen thinspo "Winged Creatures"

Monday, September 20, 2010

Posting while drinking

Sober zen is ok but...drunk zen is awesome!

Why cant I just be buzzed all the time? It is so much more fun.
Sure, I drive a bit more sloppy.
But for the most part, my day goes very smooth.

WTF is up with sobriety? It's stupid.

(zen just had 4 margaritas)

Friday, September 10, 2010

PERSONAL stuff you must know

Thank you my lovelies, Violet, Ell, Luna, Lund3on, and the beautiful Madz who started it all... HERE. I wish I could give one back to each of you, as punishment for making me do all this work.

Things I LOATH:
1) Feet They are gross, fungus laden, sweaty, and toenails can even cut you. Yet there are some freaky people that like to suck on them. Keep your feet the hell away from me when I'm eating or I will stab you with my fork.
2) Haters Angry people are toxic. They annoy me. I don't hate them.
I just really really really fucking dislike them, and sometimes want to punch them in the face.
3) Dicks who ignore wildlife while driving There will be a bunch of pigeons on the road and they plow right through. I'd love to see one of those assholes in a crosswalk... oopsie, sorry dude, thought you'd scurry away faster than that.

Things I LOVE:
1. Tailgaters I like to tap my brakes to scare the shit out of them. Sometimes I slow waaaay down for them. I could drive for miles at a snails pace. Oh so fun. *snicker*
2. Jason Statham...

...is a HOT as fuck! Num num num.
3. I guess I should also include my dog, but honestly, she still grosses me out with all her slobbery ass chewing.
4. The Moon I have always been in love with it. A harvest moon is my favorite.

Winners... If you already got one, just pass it along. This helps us all discover other interesting bloggers.

MaryJane - My sexy little foul mouthed vixen. You totally speak my language. I would love to see your answers to this quiz.
Margg - Such an awesome mind. I'd curse a lot less if I were even a fraction as articulate as you... But I gotta work with what I've got. You're writing is beautiful love.
Kelly  - You deserve the shit out of this. I saw this show last night, and hot damn this chic is KICK-ASS. She immediately reminded me of you. Can't wait till you get your tat!


Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Brain = Good

I missed you guys! Topa the WONDER DRUG,  turned my brain to utter shit. My inability to grasp words was unbelievable. I could not complete the simplest thoughts.

"Uhhh...." was practically every word out of my mouth. And so was fuck. I said fuck a lot, just to fill in the gaps.

When I said something incoherent, friends would just laugh and say "awww zen".... I guess they thought it was so cute, my being partially brain dead and all. 

I tried for the longest time to rationalize it. Besides, I still had my looks. Maybe I could just be an airhead... why not? My sister is one, and guys think she's adorable.

Unfortunately, being adorable didn't work for me. When I'd open my mouth to speak, people thought I was retarded. An adorable little retard.

I stopped taking Topa last week. Recuperation is officially underway. I can already feel my snark and wit slowly emerging.

Sadly though, my sensation of hunger has returned and I no longer have any food aversion. The free ride is over...  I'm back to actually putting an effort into losing weight.

I've finally accepted the dreaded fact, that the ability to form complete sentences must take precedent over my lovely Topa.

Apparently, having an IQ is a necessity. Not fair.