Dick Speak

My stomach shriveled up after the 3 day baby food cleanse. I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat for the next week. Despite the fact that I went out for drinks on girls night, I am still calling this a fast. 

I lost a total of 10lbs, gained back 2lbs post fast (it's really just pre-poo) Total loss = 8lbs Woot!!

Unfortunately I only seem to be capable of talking about ONE thing when drinking on an empty stomach. Can you guess what it is??

PENIS
It doesn't seem to have anything to do with simply being drunk though. I can become completely wasted and still have a great cock-free conversation, as long as I have food in my tummy.

As I told you in another post, I spent one fun evening eating and getting drunk with a homeless man. And I can assure you, I did not bring up the subject of his penis even once.

But give me a couple beers on a fasting tummy and all that comes out of my mouth is dick speak.

So a couple drinks (during this fast) led to the usual flirting, then asking a boy about his penis size, challenging him to prove it by whipping it out RIGHT there, and eventually mocking him for being too much of a pussy to do it.

Needless to say, I did not get laid that night. Hmmm. Perhaps I should reevaluate my approach?

Ah, well... despite my wicked ways, the scale goddess saw fit to FINALLY bless me with 120 pounds. Next goal is 110 baby!

Oh, and my ultimate goal is to finally have sex again before it just doesn't fucking matter anymore how thin I am.

Hey! It's the Penis Song!

xoxo, zen

Well slap me thrice and hand me to my mama.

The baby food diet is frigging adorable. Three days of the cleanse, lost 7lbs. Woot! Fuck you fad-diet haters.

I rarely eat any fruit or veggies. I'm like a bratty toddler. So baby food sounded pretty befitting my mental maturity. I can just grab one out of the fridge, it's already portion controlled, and the little smiley pictures on the containers make me happy.

Yes, I am using a big-girl spoon.

Why do babies always make that blech face when you try to feed them the veggies? If you pick up a mixture of peas carrots and tomatoes, its like a mushy casserole. It's delicious! Stupid babies.

Just shared an apple vanilla granola with my curious sister. She had asked wtf I was eating it for, told her it was baby food for grown ups.  She believed me.

So I have 2-3 containers 80 cal each, daily. Not bad for a cleansing fast. I also drink 8 oz water before and after. My goal is to do this for one week. Or until I hit a goal weightloss of 10lbs.

One concern... poo's are no longer solid. Have become a bit on the softer side. Hope shart's don't follow. Am too big for diapers.

Here's Abby kershaw sucking down a pouch of Ella’s broccoli pear + peas baby food. Doesn't she make it look so cute? And sexy as shit!

Found info on a very cool website Skinnygossip.com. Thanks Lund3on!

xoxo's

zen

I Dream of Being a Fat Ass

For the past few weeks I have been having "FAT" dreams.

I'm always NAKED too. It's ridiculous.

I'll get so enormous I cannot squeeze through doorways or fit into cars. I'm this butt-ass naked person running frantically around, trying like hell to find somewhere to hide.

And I usually have to pee.

I can never seem to find anything to cover up with. There are no fucking clothes anywhere. So I hold my hands over my boobs and vajajay. A lot of good that does with an enormous booty bouncing around as I run.

What pisses me off is that I am becoming seriously deprived of my sex dreams. Even if I hide under the covers, I can't get away with pouncing on a hot dude without him noticing my blubber oozing all over the place. Fucking imaginary guys are turned off by me!

Stupid subconscious. Ruining the only chance I have to get properly laid.

xoxo zen

Sexy and Shriveling

Took my teen sister to her doctor for a checkup. 

The nurse said she was 5'7" tall. 

HUH? Wait a minute... lets try that again, must be a mistake.

She measured again. Yes, my sister is definitely 5'7".

I have always been 5'7" and she's already towering over me.

I said, um, can you measure me then? Cause I'm confused.

5'6"

I lost an inch of height?! LOL. Whaaat?

Numbers raced through my head. So I am FATTER! Now my goal weight has to be 5lbs lower? Or 10lbs? Oh god, no no, I have to be an inch taller, I need it!

I wanted the nurse to help me understand what just happened. But for some reason she seemed unfazed by my nervous breakdown. It was like she had something better to do.

I sat through my sisters exam... nodding my head and pretending to care (cause I am such a selfless person), all the while thinking about how I need to hurry home and recalculate my BMI.

Afterwords her doctor asked if I had any questions. 

I jumped up. Ooh yeah! She is clearly taller than me right? I have always been 5'7", and she just measured at 5'7", but now I am suddenly 5'6". How is that possible?

He chuckled and said not to worry, it just happens as we become older.

WTF??

But I'm only in my 20's.

Welcome to the geriatric shrinking club zen.

Wet granny kisses,

zen

Oh, btw her drug test was negatory! Good girl. I told you I am a strict hypocrite.
_____

EDIT: I calculated my new goal weight based on shrinkage... 103lbs.
So that means I am now 7lbs fatter.
Lovely.

Slummin

Been pretty bummed since the ridiculous demise of Lost. A toddler could have conceived a better ending plot.

Six years, SIX fucking years I watched that show. And BLAM... the fuck-tards kill them all off. Leave my la la land intact why don't you?! Now every time I try to fantasize about one of those sexy (dead) island dudes, I get depressed.

If Alice were here she'd agree, but she's not, so I'll speak for her. The Lost series finale sucked ASS! And she'd also say that Damon Salvatore and I would make beautiful babies together.
Right Alice? Bow chicka bow wow.

Girls night out was a blast as usual. Drinking, flirting... my best friend made out with a hot blue-eyed boy.

And I made friends with a bum. His name was Larry.

Another homeless man, was trying to chase Larry away on his bicycle. That dude was trying like hell to run Larry over. I guess there was some kind of hobo turf war going on.

So I invited him to sit with us at our patio table. We enjoyed a few drinks and some grub. Larry was a bit odd, naturally, but very nice. And he didn't smell that bad at all. Why the fuck do I mention things like that? It's like saying I was sitting there sniffing him.

My mother always did call me a bum magnet. She'd be so proud.

Ahhh this commercial always gave me chills...

xoxo zen