Tuesday, April 06, 2010

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.

I am having EPIC brain-farts lately. Perhaps this prolonged fast is starting to kill off my brain cells, causing them to release noxious gas.

At the holiday family gathering the women were talking about a cousins recent "natural delivery" in which a birthing tub was set up in her living room. (no electricity)

Hours after the birth, a hose was hooked up to the (bloody) tub and drained into the toilette. (gag) So I asked who got to put the hose in their mouth and siphon that shit out? Silence. I heard crickets. Why the fuck did I say that?

I usually think before I speak... but the brain flatulence is pushing words out before I have time to process them. Fuuuuck. Instead of talking to people, I might as well just walk over and pee on them. It would be far less embarrassing.

People are speaking way too fast also. They need to dumb-it-down a bit. You know? The way you would talk to a   s.. l.. o.. w..  person. 

My baby sister and I were at a shop today and I called out to her to come over to me. She yelled back, "that is not my name" and kept wandering around.  "Whoever you are, get your ass back over here" I shouted. A lady in the shoppe was eyeballing me so I tilted my head and smiled.

Yeah lady,  just keep on walking. Else you might catch my stupid.

xoxo zen


  1. lmao, i woulda got the siphon joke and laughed with ya...
    man i should be sleeping but damn this place is so addicting....
    stay strong

  2. HahahahahahahahahahahahaHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You make my bloging hour again with your happy comedy. Yes I to suffer from brainfatitis. Damn those gashous thoughts. :)

  3. ahahahahah.

    even it is embarrassing, it provides some amusements for the masses.

    "Yeah lady, just keep on walking. Else you might catch my stupid."

  4. It's on like Donkey KONG !!!!!!

  5. How could I live back in the days, without your blog????

    I LOOOOOOOOOVE YOU and your sarcasm!

  6. Your posts make my day. Brainfartitis seems to be running rampant this time of year.

    I would have laughed at your siphon joke too. I'm sick in the humor, y'know.


  7. You're not alone! I put my foot in my mouth all the time. A lot of what I say is following by a silence with the chirping of crickets. Embrace your outspoken nature. At least you say what you think and don't suck it in to be PC all the time. Fakers are even more annoying.

  8. that lady in the shop - goddddddd, people should just MIND their own business. /xo

  9. hahaha! thats freaking awesome! i always end up saying something "inappropriate" , especially at family get together's and end up the weird girl in the corner that no one talks to because of my "potty mouth". i gave up on censoring myself long ago because i just end up stuttering. and lets face it, i have enough problems and i dont need to add stuttering to the list lol.
    stay strong

  10. Haha...SOO loved the siphon joke... I would've laughed with you, or worse, probably added to it and made it even more awkward. Ah well, next family gathering you'll just have to make sure you invite all of your blogger buddies and we'll be there to back you up, k? :D

    And yes...Long term fasting does tend to make ya feel on the duuuuhhhrr side. It does me, anyway. I can't do it. I can't hang. As I mentioned before, I can't even make it through a few hours. And now I for SURE can't do it because they'll be drawing my blood at school every so often to make sure my electrolytes and whatnot are balanced on this medication...YEAH. AWESOME. No fasting for me, not unless I'm sure to take TONS of multivitamins and whatnot to balance it out.

    Hang in there, love, you're doing an amazing job at everything you do. I promise.
    Love you to bits and pieces...

  11. HAHAHA lol i just found your blog .. you so funny =)


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