Monday, March 15, 2010


You know what was really funny?
Taking a shitload of laxies one night.Then going to a friends house the next morning and hanging out with his family. I sharted right there, in the kitchen. Oh god. What to do? I sauntered off to the bathroom. Did anyone notice? Did anyone hear that? My ass is NEVER subtle. Is there a humongous stain on the back of my skirt?

That shouldn't have been too noticeable, I thought. Especially since the brown splat was the size of a SAUCER on a LIGHT color skirt.
And my friend is a tall guy, so he certainly couldn't loan me anything fresh to wear. I was half naked,  trying to wash the shit out of my clothes. I made the bathroom smell like ass, I smelled like ass. 

My cell was in the other room, or maybe I left it in the car. No one had come to check on me, and even if they had, they would notice the rancid smell emanating all they way down the hall.
Heh, yeah, that was really funny.  ha fricken ha.

Did you notice that some laxies have dosages for children? Fucking scary. Here baby, you are looking a bit chubby today, lets get you flushed out. Kids should just stick to the lighter stuff, you know, baby laxatives.

I have always taken 2 pills. Well that just wasn't cutting it anymore. They were producing less and less action in the morning. I need to get more action, if you catch my drift... wink wink.

After reading about others taking as many as one whole sleeve of laxies, I was like wow, I can do that too!

Uh, no. Bad idea. I am such a turd.

xoxo zen


  1. Hahaha! Your blog always makes me laugh! God woman, be careful with the laxatives! :D x

  2. OOH GOd ! THat is my greatest fear ! The shit really hits the fan when you OD on the laxies

  3. I have come very close to having one of those laxie-induced moments myself, during class two years ago. I had to leave class 10 minutes early and run down the hall to a lightly used bathroom. I made it just before the explosion. If I had left even 30 seconds later, I probably would have been in your situation lol!

  4. Omg zen i cannot believe that happened - i try to take them only when i know i have literally nothing else to do but sit on the toilet for 12 hours. you took it so well, it seems - way to keep your head up! hopefully it was worth it in the end :-)

  5. that's awful...awfully funny cause it wasn't me :)

    good luck finding that balance of the right amount of laxies to take - I still stick with the senna tea, it works and has a much less dramatic affect

  6. Oh my good sweet lord!
    I cannot stop laughing but feel really sorry for you! How'd you escape?
    I can only imagine how horrible you must have felt, really.
    Ah don't OD on those laxies from now on okay?
    lots of love!

  7. omg lol! :D
    i dont feel as bad laughing because something similar happened to me. i went to walmart with C and his brother last year to cash C's check. when we got there i had that "bubble guts" kinda feeling so i was just wanting to run to the bathroom but when i stood up out of the car to head to the store ,everything fell out of me! thank god c and his brother went ahead , i wobbled to the bathroom to clean the shit out of my pj pants. it smelled so bad, plus it was a giant public bathroom so i couldnt lock the door to wash my pants so i had to hide in the stall and wash them with toilet paper and toilet water. i got enough off to where no one could see anything so i was in the clear but gah it was the most humiliating experience of my life!thank god i had on black pj bottoms.
    taught me a lesson though: never take more than 4 laxies at a time...
    stay strong

  8. yep, had a similar thing happen to me too! though i was in a smaller group meeting and not saucer-sized but little smaller than that lol. hope they didn't notice... hm, it'll be kinda awkward.

    yea i noticed that too, laxies having baby dosages like it's a cough medicine or something. it's like: "hey there fat baby, here you go, take some of these and lose some of that baby fat. u'll have a flat stomach tomorrow, u need one, maybe two."

    off-the-shelf laxies, only take the amount you are used to; for herbal laxie teas, you can take more than those lil pills.

    ur still on topamax though, right? but u still upped your laxie dosage? damn, that's pretty bold!

    ugh, i just saw a girl 1/2 size of me walk pass by with a hateful glare at me. i am so fat. /xo

  9. I've heard plenty of these horror stories, so you're not alone.

    But I'm gonna be soooo careful now.

  10. Ahhh!!!! I love you. I could say so much more, but I have to go. You're wonderful for sharing such hilariouly humiliating stories to which we can all relate (or at least learn from...).



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