Thursday, March 25, 2010

Butt Plugs

Ok so sorry I haven't been posting daily like usual, constant state of  brain fart. Being a guardian is exhausting.

These brats have knocked my system out of whack. Now I feel jet lagged all the time. Like I am constantly in another time zone from them, and they completely take advantage of it. 

"Did you just take that money out of my purse?!"... "Huh uh no you gave it to me yesterday." Yesterday for ME, was 5 minutes ago for HER, as she slipped her little fingers into my purse without asking. Little shit.

It's probably how moms feel. I've just gotta grow some balls and adjust. Or have myself committed. They don't have alcohol in loony bins, but I bet they do have kick-ass drugs.

So, I have been using Dulcolax as my choice of laxies.  It's funny though, because they really like to brag about how powerful they are... thus my assexplosions and expensive pantie budget.

Well, here is a guide based on your dosage 1, 2 or 3 tablets... eg (light, med, or heavy flow) to avoid accidents in public.

Viola! No more sharting! 

xoxo zen


  1. i'll bet you've got alot more patience than i have though. i'm not a fan of being responsible for anything alive&sneaky. &this made me laugh. alot. stay strong, little lady.


  2. hahaha! great post! i really needed to read some ass related news. i carry extra underwear(granny panties,heavy duty) with me in my purse at all times in case some leakage happens in public. no one wants to look like theyve dragged their ass in the mud. well, i ASSUME that no one wants that but there are plenty of sicko's out there who probably get off on that...
    you should just lock the kids in a closet for a while with the lights off. that worked with me when i was growing up, though im still afraid of the dark to this day.put a little fear into them and im sure they will straighten right up lol.
    stay strong

  3. Hahahahahah!! enjoyed this alot - ahh you actually use the exact same brand as me! I am yet to shart though haha.
    ahhh im at a loss for new music - feels like i havent downloaded anything in ages! To get me pumped though usually Calvin Harris, Prodigy, NickSkitz mixes, Passion Pit, Bloc party, or even some classic oldies like The Beatles - Revolution.
    I cant remember whether you're Australian or not, but hey, they might sell it in a few diff countries the new MAX BASS album by ministry of sound, disc three I think it is, is full of rave music, about an hours' worth, its my new running playlist!
    Hope that at least semi-helps!

  4. Hahaha!!! Amazing post :D

    I am so in awe that you ate a candy bar without it turning into a full-on binge, I don't think I could ever be as strong.

    Huge congrats on the 3lbs as well... you're doing so well. so inspiring :)

    Lots of love

  5. haha nice awesome pics. yea ducolex is my choice of laxie too! though i'm trying something else right now. man, u are amazing, handling ur sisters. i can barely control my own life lol. /xo

  6. Yes! Yes, I knew that it raises your insulin levels...But to be honest, I don't really know what the repercussions are in regards to that. It makes you feel hungrier or something? Shit, now I feel even more ignorant than usual.

    Perhaps I've now got myself a date with Google, eh?

  7. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucck...

    That's bad.


    Yeah. Wow. You happen to know the mechanics behind why your insulin goes up when you c&s? Isn't it related to the fact that when you think about/see/chew food, your body begins preparing to digest it, but if you don't give it anything then yadda yadda yadda?

    What if I make sure and eat some sort of good food, like a protein shake or something first, and then indulge in my super-nasty uncontrollable c&s bingeing? Still no good, I'm sure... :(

    *sigh...* What I'm hoping is that I'll just ultimately get tired of the taste and texture of food and then not want to do this anymore at all... Man, if that Topamax would ever get get here I wouldn't have this problem...

    I'm calling them tomorrow, by the way. Still don't know what to think or do about the whole possibility of seizures. Fuck. Tumultuous it is.

  8. You're far nicer than I could possibly be. I'd probably take an axe a hand if it found it's way inside my purse.
    I've gotta get me some of those laxatives for my days off... I've only ever used herbal ones and they take about 24-48 hours to take effect.

    xoxox alisson

  9. Thanks for your comment, nice to know that someone out there is reading.

    Hubby is going back home on Monday, with his dad to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. A 38 year-old man with a babysitter. I am staying at my parents' indefinitely. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) our house is 8 hours away from my parents, so no visiting or anything. We are separating for a time, I guess. Until he isn't a fucked up asshole and I'm less angry with him, but who knows if either of those things will ever happen.

    I have been to counselling, and gor nowhere, really. I will be going to an eating disorders clinic here soon, but I don't really want to. We all love our ED's, don't we? I still want to hold on.

  10. Thank you for your faith in me. If you say I'm gonna be okay, I'll go ahead and do my best to believe you...and to make sure I'm okay.

    I haven't been able to stop thinking about food all day, but not in the way I usually do. Usually, it's on my mind because I'm hungry and I want it.'s just that my default activity for the past 24 hours or so has been shoveling food into my mouth...and now that I'm not, my brain's like, "Wait...Wh-What? What the fuck do you want me to do now?"

    I set up an appointment with my campus shrink again. This time, it's a different doctor, and I'm looking forward to convincing him/her that I need a prescription for Topamax to address my c&s bingeing. first, I just wanted it for the obvious weight loss benefits...Now I'm beginning to think I really need it. You know, for the eating. :P Hm. Either way, I have to approach the whole situation carefully, because it's noted on my file already that I've been diagnosed with ED-NOS, more ana than anything...Since it's a university psychiatrist, he/she has to be particularly cautious when it comes to doling out meds to students...We can't be trusted, I guess. Luckily for me, I'm an expert manipulator of language. I'm hoping I can finagle a legit prescription out of this doctor, convince them that I need it. How to do this without being transparent is the difficult part.

    "So I've been doing some research online and I think I'd like to give Topamax a try..."

    Ha...I just don't see that working.

    We shall see.


  11. The butt plug pics are classic. (That may be the first time I've ever uttered that sentence. History in the making!) Great post! :)


  12. POOP! About all laxatives do in make you lose water and minerals. When you lose minerals you will get cravings.

    On Bigger Fatter Blog we are discussing the tapeworm diet. One of our feeders, Coach Gains is pictured with a big nasty tape worm that he fished out of a fat girl's butt. He then breaded it and deep fried it and told the fat girl it was calamari and she ate it and loved every bite.... True story! ;-)


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