Thursday, March 11, 2010

Dog poop and chocolate asses

Why do all my neighbors have better cars than me? We all live in the same complex. And why do none of these "classy" people clean up after their dogs? They just stand there acting all nonchalant while their pooch makes a horizontal letter C.

Wouldn't you notice if your long wiener dog suddenly had a huge hump back? Uh, lady I think he's POOPING. Nope, she just looks off into oblivion. Then neighbor kids tromp it up the stairs and I have to dance around it as I carry groceries up to my apartment.

On a Happy(ish) note, I did start my period today so that might explain the constipation yesterday... and the *cough*  6 chocolate-filled croissants last night... and *cough* one pound weight gain this morning *cough*cough*

...weird tickle in my throat.

So ladies, learn from my mistake. Chocolate goes straight to your ass.

Ok, bad example. Sorry.

xoxo zen


  1. Ten pounds in 7 days? What the almighty fuck? How in hell...?

    Never mind, I'll just worship and hate you in equal amounts.

  2. lol nice pic ha ha :)
    Wish my ass looked like that.... choc on it or not! lol

  3. hey if chocolate will make my ass look that good then ill take an iv injection right NOW! lol
    too bad you couldnt find any pictures of fat , hairy, old man ass dripping in chocolate, at least then i wouldnt get hungry looking at chocolate butt :P
    this picture makes me question my sexuality ... is it bad that i want to eat that chocolate???
    stay strong

  4. wow where did u find that pic? lol. anyway, after 6 chocolate croissants and only 1 lb, wow, ur metabolism must be real amazing! /xo

  5. I agree with J above, only 1 lb gain ? Jealous ! whole foods in the US has yogi tea that has ginger and other stuff in it, the label says "promote regularity". There's also "smooth move" which is also organic, both work decently well people doing the master cleanse use it before bed and in the morning. Still nothing works as well as the little sugary blue senna pills. It does work. Some teas have peppermint or licorice which also has a laxative effect. There's an ehow, how to make your own laxative tea, it sounds gross.

    Apparently the senna is addictive and ruins the muscle tone in your digestive tract, but there's something so rewarding with the cramping and knowing EVERYTHING is out of you right? Magnesium works, but sucks ass...

  6. I started drinking tons more water today. Duly noted.

  7. Grr thats so annoying when people don't clean up after their dogs!

  8. your posts never fail to make me laugh.. and agreed with all the girls here, please, roll me in chocolate if it would give me a body like that! and hey only one lb up after 6 damn crossants! jesus woman. i would have gained 10 lol. just drink water and you'll flush it all away =)


  9. oh and I meant to say, thank you for your comments :)

  10. L...




    That picture

    Fucking priceless!! Where the hell do you find all of your images!? You're a blogger goddess, you know it? Every single one makes me laugh. You do they say... 'teh shiz.'

    It makes me a little more than upset to know that my ass will NEVER look like that, no matter how thin or toned I get. Stretch marks from pregnancy and cellulite from heredity...I'm screwed. In the ass, you could say. But that might end up being somewhat pleasurable. So instead? the ear. Sideways.

    Umm...I don't know what to say. I feel like talking to you. Err...typing. But because I have nothing of any value or importance to go on about, perhaps I'll leave you be for now and go c/s the heck outta some cookies and pie. Oh yes. Because I'm practically mia when it comes to that shit.

  11. *nom nom nom*
    i want chocolate filled croissants!!!!

  12. Hahahaha... YES! We can definitely still be friends. Perhaps even *better* Eh? If ya get mah meanin'? If ya catch my drift? If ya smell what I'm cookin'?

    Okay, that was ... something. Something, indeed. Yeah...I should totally take some pictures of my ass and PS them to look aMAZing and hang them all around my room so I have something to look forward to when I'm all rich and famous (for being thin, of course) and can afford laser surgery and lipo.

    Ah yes...It'll be lovely.

  13. ha! I really can't say much-laughing at the picture too much.

  14. Lmao...believe it or not, HER wrists are actually TINIER! :P

    Having small wrists makes me happy, 'cuz they're skinny, of course...but also a little bit discouraged, because it means that my 5'6ish/5'7ish frame SHOULD be smaller all around...right? That's what small wrists mean? That you have a delicate bone structure, and that your ass shouldn't be HUGE like mine...?

    And yes, you can pinch her cheeks. Heh. Widdle. You're awesome.

  15. Hey Zen Funny as usu...and I agree, you are a blogger goddess with the way you find those damn pic.

    I'm only gonna do protein shakes (4 x 130cal each) and water all day so I can drink & get drunk tonight. I'm trying to stay below 800cals, I thought I'd gotten to goal 3lbs ago but now I wanna try for another 10/12lbs. So I have (pun & no pun)

  16. Lovely. There IS justice. you gained a pound.

    AFTER LOSING TEN!!!! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin hell I don't even know what to say.

    But what a lovely rant about dogs and cars. Niiiiiice.


Use foul language if you love me...