Monday, March 08, 2010

Out to eat. Again.

Everything social surrounds food. Why cant people just sit around and talk while looking at, say, plants? Eh. Whatever. So, there was a salad bar there, and a fricken pizza bar. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. I hate pizza. After my last binge/purge. I swore I'd never come near it again.   
I had two fucking pieces. 

Yep. But they tasted like dirt. Why did I eat two of them then? I don't know. Probably cause I used to love pizza and still wish I could atleast like pizza. The salad was yummy. Could only finish half of it before my stomach (or should I say - ass) exploded. Oh those poor people in the restroom. Eyes burning, noses running. Hey, it was either shit in there or in my pants. My stomach still hurts like hell. Guess I wont be forcing greasy food into it EVER again.

Got on the scale tonight and have already lost a pound since this morning. OH, did I mention, this morning I was down two pounds since yesterday? I am down 7lbs total in just 4 days! I Shit You Not! Well, I shit a lot, but you know what I mean.

I am still currently over my healthy weight range due to the horrific binging I have been doing for the last couple months. So I am sure once my doctor see's that I am down to my ideal weight, she will no longer prescribe Topamax for me. And then you guys can feel better knowing that I am no longer "cheating". I would hate me right now if I were you. ((zen sticks her tongue out at you like a toddler)) nya-nya! 

Yes, it does feel like cheating. I am still eating, a little bit. But I am not hungry. I do not have the urge, much less the ability to binge. And I am losing weight like crazy. It is awesome. But once I have lost all the weight. I will be on my own again. And that scares the living shit out of me. I hope to god I can find the ana mindset again once I am thin. I don't want to gain it all back. I wont know until I get there. Fuck, no need obsess about it right now. I should just enjoy this amazing ride (while it lasts). Thanks so much for sticking with me gals!!

xoxo zen


  1. I ask myself that all the time, why does everything social have to involve food? People can't be more creative than going out to dinner for someone's birthday? But whatever.

    Wow, 7 pounds in 4 days! Awesome, girl! Keep it up!!

  2. hell, whatever, u are NOT cheating at all! do/use/drink whatever in order to be thin. anyway, i'm sooooo jealous that you lost 7 lb in freaking 4 days!!!! sht, that's pure amazingness!!! lol, and jealous, again!

    and yea, why do people always have to either eat or drink to socialize? seriously, can't people socialize without food? it's not like FOOD is TALKING to fill in the silence. i have no fcking idea why we always have to eat. even when we're out shopping, we HAVE to end up eating. i fcking hate it.

    anyway, keep it up! /xo

  3. Your doctor will take it away?? That is the worst thing ever - I am so jealous that you have Topomax!!

  4. oh darling, your blog is just fantastic. i'm giggling to myself like an idiot over all your quirky little jokes and one-liners.

    i use to love pizza too. i probably still do, which is why i try my best not to get near the stuff. x)

    7lb in four days! that's amazing, keep up the good work. :) i think i've gained 8lb in the past 2 days, fuuuck. x)

    anyways. you are superb.

  5. 7lbs in 4 days is bloody amazing hon!! Well done!! And no, the meds are NOT cheating.... how many of us have used laxetives etc? I know I have - there was a time in fact I used to use a whole pack every day - my God the gut-rot and sore ass I had from that!! But the weightloss was defo still putting a smile on my face!! lol

  6. That's amazing! Well done! And it's not cheating at all :) you could still eat if you really wanted to, but you're making that choice not to and besides you could be on a much higher dose of the medication so really you're doing a lot of this by yourself and you should be proud! x

  7. lol im one of those people that CANNOT poop in public unless im the only one in the room. although on the occasions that i cant help myself i try to cover up the horrid noise emitting from my ass by coughing like crazy. i wish i could say it works but sadly, i think it just draws more attention to myself. ive actually had someone knock on the door and ask if i was going to be alright :P i guess i sounded like i was coughing up a lung...
    i dont think its cheating at all! hell i know that most of us would take those pill in an instant if given a chance. you just have to do whatever works and this is obviously working wonders. 7 pds in 4 days is beyond awesome. its like, awesome and a half!
    ive heard those ali diet pills work wonders too, they make you shit yourself if you eat too much fat in a which is an excellent motivation to not eat in my opinion. so those are always an option after the doctor takes those wonder pills away.
    stay strong

  8. Wow, go you and your 7lbs loss! I'm so fucking jealous :P But you are still amazing despite my envy :) xoxo

  9. Lmfao, you just made me laugh for the first time all day! And it's past noon! There's something wrong with that...

    But thanks anyway! This post was awesome. I love how you're so freakin' honest and hilarious and ...well, I could go on but that would inevitably result in your discovery of the bighugesecret chick-crush I have on

    When/if they take away your pills, you will have already lost so much weight that you will be super skinny and awesomely motivated to keep your new bod. It'll be great. And hopefully, if my Nigerian Topes work nearly as well as yours, I'll be right there with you. ;)

    Only time will tell...

    I am astounded (and superbly proud of) your weight loss. Cheating does not exist here. As was said above, we do anything and everything it takes to make this happen. Nothing is off limits. Obviously. I mean, look at me! Topamax with no prescription? From some overseas company that probably doesn't exist for any other reason than to take my $50 and run? Huh...I prefer not to think about that possibility...

    Keep it up, lovely. You're doing great. And keep writing. You light up my days. :D



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